𝐈 𝐍 𝐓 𝐎 𝐘 𝐎 𝐔

𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓

TW/ suicide mentioned.
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"I love you Xiao"
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Xiao goes to kiss me, I push myself away. I feel a tear run down my face, I don't want to hurt him. But I can't be around him.
"but I can't be.. with you. I still fucking hate you" I lie walking towards the door.
"goodbye Y/n" Xiao says standing, his silhouette is illuminated by the moon light. A tear fell down his face. my heart dropped. I leave his keys on the counter on my way out.

TS/ at work the next day

I arrive at work, mascara tears still down my face and tinted lipgloss smudged across my lips.
"OH MY GOD Y/N YOUR HERE?!" Hu tao runs up to me. Everyone follows and I get bombarded with questions
"What happened Xiao didn't even know"
I look at Xiao realising he didn't tell people about our issue and ani.
he didn't ask for help.
"Where have you been?"
"People were saying you killed yourself"
"You look like hell"

"I just got back" I say tired, walking past them to the 'secret' locker room in the back, I shut the door and lock it.
I lean my whole body against the door, I've never felt so shit in my whole life.
I start crying sinking to the floor, I'm sick, sick in the head.
I've wasted my life. I'm 19. I left school at 14 because I couldn't afford shit.
I was homeless for 13 14 AND 15.
I joined A fucking Gang at 16.
I almost killed myself 5 times.
I thought my family was good.
I've had to let go of the one person that actually loved me.

I scream at the top of my lungs " it hurts. It hurts so much." I sob, I hear banging on the door, I don't want to open it.

"Y/n let us in!"
I hear a combination of voices couldn't be more than 3. I knew who they were.
"Go away" I cry digging my head into my knees. The banging stops.
"Y/n open the door" I hear Xiao's voice through the door.
"why do you still care. I fucking hate you." I scowl, I don't want to hurt him but I do.
I'm pushing him away cause I'm a danger to him. Why can't he understand.
"What happened." Hutao voice was stern, she wanted to kill him.
I open the door, my breathing is heavy while I stand in the doorway. Everyone is staring at me. Zhonglis face is concerned, Hutaos upset. And Xiao's? he was relief but hurt. My words did impact him.

"There I opened the fucking door" Hutao walks in and shuts the boys out, she locks the door and holds my hand tight.
"Tell me what's wrong Y/n I haven't seen you in like 5 days and you come back looking like shit and screaming. You also asked Xiao why does he care. like something happened. So tell me." Her red eyes glistened. I start crying again falling to the ground.
"I fucked up. I always fuck up."
"Me and Xiao got into an argument because he cheated and he killed my parents and it escalated fast, I got out a knife, he hugged me and I stabbed him in the side. I left him. I went to Venti's I went to the mall with him and I saw Xiao. I ran up to him he was scared of me.
Venti stared to hit me and verbally abuse me in the car I phased out and remembered my childhood. I realised my parent weren't good people I snapped back into reality I shouted at Venti. And I ran away after that. I arrived home I had a crying fit at like 3 am because of Xiao. The next day it was me spoiling myself. Making myself feel good. I heard glass stater and shouting. I run into Xiao's apartment to find Xiao on the floor bleeding and bruised while his girlfriend stood there. I helped Xiao then I tackled his girlfriend to the ground and got him to call 911. She got arrested. I hugged Xiao for a bit. We kissed I said I loved him and he said it back but I can't be with him I hurt him. So I left him there." I sob I didn't realise Xiao and Zhongli was stood in the door way they managed to pick the lock.
Xiao was crying, I could tell he didn't like seeing me like this. But fuck it. Just because he cares doesn't mean he isn't still my enemy.

Hutao pulls me into a hugs and slowly brushes my hair.
"I'm sorry Y/n I should have been a better sister to you" Hutao says, we aren't sisters but she's like a sister to me.
"Y/n.." Xiao sighs.
I get up and walk up to him,
"I still fucking hate you. loving me is suicide." I pull the black tie on him close to me, his face not far away from mine. I walk out.
"We used to have a saying in this gang Xiao. The biggest misfortune for Y/n's enemies" Hutao smirks.

"Is that their Y/n's enemies"
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this is quite a bad chapter but yk

Anyways have a good morning/ evening/ afternoon/ night
I love you and I'm proud of you
Stay hydrated and safe and healthy <333