It was always you ~ L.S. ✅

33. Guilt

(Time skip: after dinner)

"So?" Harry asked curiously after taking a seat in front of Liam and Zayn with Niall beside him in Niall's room.
They had finished their dinner which was filled with awkward tension with Louis being his usual distant self, the boys being extremely thrilled about their meeting with Luna and Harry desperately trying to fill in the tension.
All the boys had sighed in relief once the dinner was over. Louis returned to his room and Harry stayed back in Niall's room along with Zayn and Liam to fetch the informations about the meeting.

"Luna is actually an eligible lawyer." Liam started.
"She's professional, determined and kind. She had looked through the xerox of Lou's contract and- uh-"

"What is it? Just spill!" Harry was already anxious and so, Liam's unexpected shuttering wasn't helping him in any way.

"Well she told us that she cannot do anything before the proposal-" Zayn started.

"WHAT!?" Harry yelled, interrupting Zayn and stood up.

"Calm down H. Hear me out first." Niall said in an oddly calm voice that made Harry look at him like he was an alien.

"How can you guys act so calm! It's ridiculous!" Harry plopped down back in his seat and frustratingly rubbed his palms over his face.
"That means there's no way we can stop Lou from this whole fake proposal thing." His voice cracked and the other boys who were silent till then, jumped to pull Harry in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hey hey hey! Don't cry love. Hear us out first will ya?" Zayn said in a soft voice and Harry nodded while sobbing.

"Calm down yeah? Then we'll talk." Liam said and the boys slowly pulled back from the hug.

It took a few minutes but after that, Harry composed himself and rubbed his eyes; urging the boys to speak up.

"I'm sorry. I overreacted. I-It's too much for me to handle you know. Like-" The boys stayed silent as Harry took a deep breath before continuing.

"In the last five years, I've treated Lou like he didn't even exist. Of course I had my reasons- I was angry and heartbroken because I believed that he had cheated on me with El. Other than that- the media- images and tabloids headlining him dating and ditching multiple women at a time- his anger, arrogance- everything about him at that time made me even more angry at him.
I was so lost in drowning myself in self-pity that I didn't notice the slight changes in Lou's appearance; how his smile didn't reach his eyes or how he stopped socialising. Hell I even separated both of you from him Niall, Zayn! I didn't even let you guys hear about his part of story!" Harry was sobbing again but this time, he didn't stop speaking.

"I was so blinded by anger that I didn't even visit him when his mum passed away; when Jay passed away! Sh-she used to treat me like his own son. I, even after knowing how much his mum's death affected him, wasn't there for support. I was so fucking selfish! I dated Taylor, Kendall and Nick just caz I wanted to forget Lou! I wanted to forget! I wanted to erase his presence from my life! I-I wanted to erase every single piece of memory that I had with him! I was so fucking selfish that I used three other people as rebounds, only to end up with comparing them with Louis.
I wasn't fair to any of them Liam! I wasn't fair to Kendall- I wasn't fai-fair to Taylor and neither was I fair to Nick! Most importantly, I wasn't fair to Lou. I took away everything from him without even knowing! He sacrificed his own freedom and dreams for my happiness! Today people see him as an arrogant, narcissistic and heartless playboy where in reality, he is just the opposite! He's so selfless and so fucking loyal- a-and I, I had the audacity to believe some cheap paparazzi pictures over him. I questioned his loyalty, his love for me!" Harry said between hiccups while his three best friends were listening intently with the same guilt weighing down their shoulders.