Tears Of Insecurity

Prologue

Susheela has always been perceived as a modern minded, bold girl with an even charming personality. A girl who can beat the shit out of you if you dare lay a finger on her or her loved ones, the one that only knows how to break bones. But is that all that she is or there is more to her? Does her fighting and aggressive nature come off naturally or is it just a facade? An act to shield her heart and save herself from the world full of fake and selfish people?

Susheela, from the start was told to act in a certain way, behave like her twin sister who came out to be more elegant and soft in nature. She was always forced to leave her own ways and choose something that was just not her, but the girl being strong, stood against all the norms and gave new standards to the society. She wasn't like other girls and she wasn't ashamed of that fact, until she turned sixteen.

Being different can make you stand out and look unique or make you the clown of the party. Teenage is the phase where you start to see things in a certain way which may not actually be the way you think it is. Self doubt, anxiety, depression, worthlessness, anger and deep down sorrows start to rise up and make a permanent home in you for the rest of your life, if not treated on time.

Friendships are tested, likings are changed, love blooms and trust fades. Teenage life is all about trials and tribulations, ones that shape you and build up your personality, the personality that is going to be with you for the rest of your life. If you let insecurity, depression and pain settle down in you then it will always effect your future life.

Growing up in a brown family with a depressingly reserved and old minded father, Susheela too went through the trim roads of depression and pain, the roads she still to this date couldn't get out of. Being a tomboy may sound cool to boys and gain you some reputation in your school and highschool. But being a tomboy in an Indian brown family can only result in one thing- you get taunted every second of the day.

In a teenage phase you often develope crushes and likings for the opposite sex. And Susheela too was no exception to it, she too liked a guy but he broke her heart. And to this day it hurts her a lot. Trusting someone since then has become a big challenge for her. And loving someone? Well, that's forbidden for her. Her heart and brain have come to a mutual understanding and taken up a decision to never ever fall in love.

Susheela was always termed as the 'spare' in her school. She was always considered as a last resort. Even with the guy she liked with her whole heart, too, decided it would be fun to make her a spare in his life.
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Susheela never liked fashion, makeup, shopping and boy talk in her teenage phase. She never participated in the said "girly" trends such as dancing or singing. She was just an ordinary girl with the talent of breaking bones, a sarcastic girl with a humorous nature. She was to bloom in her own time, mature in her own pace but never got the care she deserved.

She never got the acceptance of being a tomboy, of being different. She was to bloom in wonderful places, reach heights and be praised. But she never did, she never got her father's equal love and attention which would've worked as water to her soul. She never got her father's approval of her being different which would've been the soil she was planted on.

She never got the love and care, the kindness that others of her age got, the love that would've worked like wonders for her individual growth. Instead, all she got was her father's crude remarks and her mother's disappointed sighs. She wanted love too, she craved for it, waited for it but never received it.

She lacked friends because they didn't understand her choices or her likings. Girls her age would go on talking about makeup and boys, while she talked about breaking bones, boxing matches, football and action movies. None of these things were bad or something to be ashamed off, the boys were praised when they faught, watched action movies or played football. While her on the other hand got annoyed eye rolls and disappointed looks.

The girl that talked with everyone, the one who was free with everyone suddenly become quite. The girl that had her heart open to all, created a big thick wall around her same lovely heart. Teenage really ruined her, attacked her and changed her and she didn't even realise it. The one that loved her sister to bits suddenly started getting insecure of her. Looked at the thin line of partiality that happened and made it big in her head. 

Instead of venting it out in front of her father and mother, she kept it to herself. She bolted the doors of her heart and to this day the pain and suffering has been piling up in them. You aren't born with insecurities, nobody is. Insecurities are created, formed and shaped due to certain situations and experiences your life throws at you. When they form they don't inform you, they settle so deep within you that when you realise that it is within you, it's just too late by then.
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Filled with insecurities, pain and trust issues Susheela has to deal with the challenging situations her life is going to throw at her. Friendships will be tested, romance will be generated, love with blossom and relationships will break. Susheela's past is about to ruin her future and present with the one she might accidentally have fallen in love with.

With trust issues embedded deep within her system, will she accept the fact that somebody does like her? Possibly love her? Will she accept her own likings and feelings for a certain someone or will it be too late? Her insecurities and anger issues are about to take a toll on the situation and ruin her relation with her sister and her only best friend.

Life's going to get rough and Susheela is about to break some bones and those would definitely not be her's, that's for sure.
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A/N - Points to be noted,
1. There is going to be some Dharampal bashing along with Garima.
2. Susheela is going to be a rough character with many flaws like you and I have.
3. This story is about Susheela's pain, suffering, overcoming her fears and finally accepting the love that she kept on denying.
4. This is a sumod based story.