Only If you Loved me

Chapter 15

Aurora

I didn't realise when sun came over the head and not it was going to set down. Just like my life. I didn't got up from bed. I could not muster the strength for that. My body had lost all of its strength.

When you give up on your mental strength then the physical strength cannot do anything. Further, what should I get up for. To clean my dirty body? To eat food? What would I do by cleaning my body when my soul itself got tainted? What would I do by eating when I am already lifeless.

I was now staring at the window, watching the sun going down. The sunset was so mesmerising. When the sun goes down, the surroundings become so beautiful to beckon the setting of the light with the promise to rise again. And when it rises, it rises in its full glory and lures people to also rise with it.

But the sun of my life has set and it is never going to rise again. Because the person I loved and still loving till now and will also love in the future, hates me. And the same person raped me. The only one I thought who ever cared for me in this 25 years of my life other than my brother and mother hurted me and now he broke me beyond repair.

I heard the gate opening. I turned my head and saw Lyon. He stood there with a blank expression. I turned my head away to where I was glancing before. I just can't look at his face now or I am afraid I will again burst out crying.

"Why are still not up? Its evening now. Go and get freshened up", he said in the softest tone I heard him talking since I met him. But still I didn't want to, so I did not respond.

He came and sat beside me. I looked at him and last night's scene flashed infront of me. How he tied me? How he tore my clothes? The beast he became yesterday.

He raised his hands. Afraid that he is again going to slap me, I got up and shifted to other side of bed. I hugged myself by bringing my legs closer to my chest.

Last night was playing in my mind and I just wanted it to get over. I started mumbling him to leave me.

I didn't realise when he came near me and touched my hand. I flinched at his touch. I looked at face and my gaze shifted to his eyes. I saw guilt in them. This time I did not see any hatred or anger but guilt and pain. As if my condition was paining him. But we both know for the better that he loaths me. He must pitying me right now.

Who wouldn't ? Seeing a naked girl trembling after getting raped like a hog.

"I won't hurt you. Just calm down. Okay", he said politely. I looked into his eyes and saw honesty in them.

"Come lets get you cleaned up", he said and reached for me.

I backed away. I was afraid to be in his presence. Who knows when will he burst on me again?

"I will do it my-self", I said stuttering. He nodded his head. I got up and ran towards the washroom. I closed the door behind me. I turned the shower on and slid on the wall. And again let my mind occupy with those things.

I am sorry Mom. I was unable to treasure my body like you wanted. I let someone taint my body. And that someone was the person I loved. I would have gladly given myself to him if he would have done it with both of our consent and with love. If only he wanted to love me rather than hate me, then I would have completely given myself to him. But now that he claimed me forcefully, I don't think I would ever be able to respect myself like I did before.