Ziphozethu

47

I was on my bed struggling to clean my wound. I thought I'd be used to it by now but the endless bruises on my abdomen and my stitches from surgery were killing me.

They were physically painful yes, but they were also a constant reminder of what happened. My brother was also starting to get suspicious. He always knew when something was wrong. He questioned me about the bags under my eyes the other day. I didn't have the strength to put on makeup like I usually did.

"Can I help?" I was in pain and I was frustrated. I had no energy for her. "Nozipho please leave me alone! All you do is talk!" I couldn't stop myself. I was so done. She left without saying anything and I went into the wine cellar. I wasn't breast feeding anymore so I didn't care. I grabbed the closest bottle I could find and went to my room. I drank it and stumbled down to the cellar for another one.

"MaZulu." Once again. It was Nozipho. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a bottle. "Come on. You can't drink while taking all that medicine."
"Nozipho."
"Yes?"
"Fuck off."
"Okay, but I'm not letting you drink anymore. It could be dangerous."
"Arg for fucks sakes. You hate me, I hate you. You were willing to kill me a few weeks ago now I can't do it myself? Leave me the fuck alone Nozipho."

"No, give me the damn bottle. Have you lost your mind." She tried to grab the bottle from me but it fell and spilt everywhere. I laughed hysterically. "MaZulu, are you drunk?" I just rolled my eyes and walked out. "So is this what you're going to do while your husband is away?!"

"Are the two of you at it again?" Ma came crawling out of the woodworks.

"Husband? Husband!" I laughed. "I don't have a husband. Never had one. I live with roommates. He's never here! You should know that!" I couldn't cry so I laughed. "I mean I thought I had a husband. There was a wedding." I was slurring my words and I was really feeling the affects of the alcohol.

"I don't have a husband! You don't have a husband! Okay, maybe you have a husband. You've got him back. Yay! That's what you wanted wasn't it. You know, you told me I wouldn't survive in this family. I should've listened and stayed in my damn shack. I would rather have poverty over this." I said walking away. I fell on my bed and immediately went to sleep.

"MaZulu, get up. Get up." My head was killing me. "Why are you yelling?" I complained. "I'm literally whispering. Get your ass out of bed. You're father is here." She opened the curtain and the sunlight burned burned my eyes.

"Get in the damn shower. I'll bring your clothes." She pulled me out of bed and dragged me to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and put some concealer under my eyes. I put on the dress she gave and she passed me a muffin so I could take my medicine. "Okay, are you ready?" I shook my head no. "Well, it doesn't matter. Let's go."

My father was sitting at the head of the table as if it was his house. With him was Veronica and and his first wife. I took a seat and didn't even greet. "MaZulu." He said with a smile on his face. "What do you want?" Him and his his wife looked shocked. "We came here because we heard you were in the hospital and we wanted to see how you're doing. This is not how I should be treated. You're disrespectful."

"You didn't speak one word to me after you pushed me off your porch. Not one. I was in your house, waiting for you to say literally anything and you kept quiet so what do you want now?" Ma looked uneasy but my father just sat there expressionless. "Honestly, I want to get to know you. When I heard you were in the hospital my heart broke. They wouldn't tell us anything. What happened?"

"I was sick."
"So sick you had to go to the hospital?"
"Yes."
"Really? Really MaZulu? Is this what you're going to do? I'm just trying to have a conversation. I thought I was loosing you. I'm trying to build a relationship here."
"We can build a relationship when you bring my child back."

"MaZulu." Ma said softly. I guess she was trying to snap me out of it but I didn't care. "If you can bring my child back, the child that you murdered, then we can talk. But for now please leave my house." He sat there in disbelief. What did he think? I would just forget?

"Fine. I'll leave." He seemed angry but I didn't care. He got up and left with his wife. I was so angry I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears. "MaZulu?" I raised my hand so Nozipho would stop talking. I didn't need another lecture and another "I'm sorry" from her.

I went back to the room and got in bed and cried silently. I've kept my feelings in for so long that it was just spilling out of me. I couldn't control it. No matter how many times I wiped my tears they were still flowing. I heard my door open but I didn't care.

I heard footsteps and then my bed dipped. I looked over to see MaDlamini sitting on the bed. "What do you want?" I asked rudely. "Nothing." Her voice was so calm. Almost soothing. She took my hand in hers and just held it. I didn't know what was happening but it was like everything was bumbling up and the flood gates opened. I started crying like a baby.

She moved closer to me and I somehow ended up in her lap with her holding my head. "It's okay. Let it out." I held onto her hand tightly as I cried. I cried for hours and when it finally died down into little sniffles my head was aching. She tucked me into bed and I fell asleep immediately.