Ziphozethu

29

We cut the line at the clinic and Moses carried me into the doctors office. I was already hysterical before she delivered the news. My baby was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. I was given some sort of medication to deal with the pain but for the next few weeks I would have the constant reminder that I failed at the one thing I was supposed to do as a woman.

Moses and I drove back in complete silence. Tears were still running down my face and I was doing everything in my power to stop myself from breaking down again. "Mamakhe? Did you hear what the doctor said? We have to go to the city tomorrow morning so you can get x-rays. You might've fractured a rib in the fall yesterday." He tried explaining to me but I didn't care.

I saw Ma and Veronica come out of the house looking concerned but everything around me didn't matter. My baby was gone. I would never meet him or her. I would never feel a kick. I would never hear a cry. I would never see a smile.

I was helped into the house and then into the shower. I just stood there watching the blood run down the drain while Ma tried helping me.

"You'll be fine. I know you will. You're a strong woman." Ma said while dressing me. "You'll be fine." It sounded like she was trying to convince herself. She tucked me into bed and I just laid there. I couldn't move and I didn't want to.

I was woken up before the sun was up. Moses helped me get ready and then we drove to the city. I guess the adrenaline from the previous day wore off because I could feel everything. The cramps in my abdomen and lower back and taking a deep breath was just unbearable.

"Moses, this is too much. Let me come with you. Give me a few minutes." I held Moses's hand tightly while we waited for Ma. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't think I could get anymore broken than I was before but once again life proved me wrong.

We got to the hospital and it seemed like they were waiting for us. I was carted off and all sorts of tests were run on me for absolutely no reason. I had a bruised rib and a miscarriage. It would take me four to six weeks to heal. I got my medication and we left. "I want to go home." I said and Moses nodded. "Okay. We'll be home in no time. Let me just text the staff." I stopped him.

"No. Not to the big house. To where we lived before." He sighed. "Mamakhe. Now that you're a public figure that house isn't safe for you anymore. You need to be somewhere with security." He tried to explain but I didn't care. "I want to go home." I said again with tears in my eyes. "Moses." Ma said and he gave in.

We got home and Ma prepared my bed for me. Within the first three days Nozipho already dropped Buhle off. I was grateful because Buhle was the only thing that kept me going. Ma and Moses stayed with me for the first two weeks until I convinced Ma to go back to the village and Moses went back to work.

I laid Buhle down for a nap and then I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and Saw a very angry looking Sethu. "Well? Are you going to invite me in?" She asked annoyed and I opened the door wider. She stormed in and took a seat on the couch. "So, you disappeared and I had absolutely no way of reaching you. Then you pop up on the news and they're saying you're a princess. Then you get married without me and here you are again. Care to explain?" She asked annoyed.

"Um, I had some issues with Moses's wife. She took Buhle. She couldn't take care of her and I had to leave abruptly to go and help. In that time Moses proposed and then my family found me and they forced me to go back home." I said and she looked skeptical but also concerned.

"And the wedding I wasn't invited to?" She asked but now her voice wasn't as harsh. "Um, since we were already there and Moses had proposed our families agreed to get it over and done with." She sat back in her chair and just looked at me. "Zethu? What is going on? There is something very wrong with you. I don't know what it is but I know it's big and it has something to do with you being back here."

There was silence between us and tears started forming in my eyes. "Zethu, come on. Tell me. Maybe it'll help." A tear finally escaped and rolled down my cheek. I wiped it off as fast as I could. "While I was in the village I found out that I was pregnant. That's why everything was so rushed." At first she smiled but the. She realized what I was going to say. "But I got into an altercation with my father and... And... I lost the baby." I started crying and she came over and held me in her arms.

We started to get back to a new normal. Physically I was fine but mentally I was destroyed. The only thing that kept me going was Buhle. She started standing up and walking with the help of furniture. She even said her first word, Mama. Moses was distant. He went to work early and came back late.

I was laying in bed waiting for him. I finally heard the door at midnight. He came straight into our room and started kissing me. "Baba, what are you doing?" I asked when he started to dress me. "I'm taking what's mine. The doctor said you were fine. It's time to get back to your marital duties." I felt guilty about so I let him continue.

Just as he was about to enter me I stopped him. "What is it now?" I could hear he was annoyed. "I don't think I'm ready for a baby. Can you please use a condom?" I asked softly. "A condom? With my wife? Are you out of your mind Zethu?!" I felt my lip shiver and I knew I was going to start crying. "What if you pull out?" He sighed. "Screw this. I'm leaving." He got out of bed and I stood up with him.

"Baba what do you mean? Where are you going?" I followed him and he started packing a bag. "I'm going home to my wife who won't deny me my marital rights." He got his things and made his way to the door. I was in an absolute panic. He was leaving me. "Baba, what if I go on birth control. Then you can have me all you like?" I tried reasoning with him. "Are you out of your mind? Go get back in that bed and leave me alone! I'm going home!"

"Baba, please! Okay I'll do it. Please don't leave! Please Baba! You can have me! Please!" Before I knew it the door was shut in my face. "Baba!" I cried and heard his car start. He was gone.