A Badass Malfoy

Chapter 44 - Therapy

Mattheo's POV
I woke up in the morning in my dorm, I figured that Draco, Blaise, Enzo and Theo tried to find me and couldn't so thought I was up at the astronomy tower again. Usually they always find me there and bring me back to my empty sad dorm. I don't talk to anyone much other than Draco of course but other than that, I don't want to talk to them. They talk about good memories with Daphne too much which I don't like. It's like they're acting as if she's dead but she's not, I know she's not, she can't-won't be. She will be back soon enough and they will think they were so stupid to think anything different. I was in the bathroom about to take a shower, since I haven't had one in weeks, when I caught a glimpse of myself. I looked back to see the monstrosity I have turned into, a pale, underweight, boney monster. I hated it but I couldn't change anything, it's not like I'm going to suddenly start taking care of myself so I told myself to just deal with it.

I was laying in bed like I usually do, holding onto the necklace I was supposed to give Daphne before she went missing, crying. I heard a knock at the door but didn't bother to say or do anything. They could fuck off for all I care. They knocked again but I still didn't reply. They they started to talk through the door, it was Dumbledore.
"Mattheo, you're going to have to come out and eat at some point."
I still didn't reply. I was too busy dealing with these emotions I never knew I had.
"Also, I think it would be best if you started seeing a therapist. I think it would really help"
What? Fuck this. I angrily walked up to the door and unlocked it now being face to face with him.
"A therapist!" I shout "the fuck would I need a therapist for I'm perfectly fine"
I saw my friends coming up the stairs as they heard everything that was happening.
"It's final, I'm not going!"
"Mattheo, you're not eating you're underweight and don't think I don't know what you do up at the astronomy tower. This isn't good for you, you're literally slowly killing yourself so shut up and come with us to the school therapist!" Abigail shouted.
"There's a school therapist?"
"Yes now shut up and come on!"
I stood there looking between everyone for a while before responding.
"Fine" I sigh.
A smile plastered across everyone's faces as we all started to walk to the therapists office. As we reached the door, I took a deep breathe and looked at everyone as they all gave me encouraging looks and I placed my hand on the door knob. After thinking for a few minutes I opened the door and walked in, closing the door behind me.
"Hello Mattheo, let's get on with the session shall we" she said with a big smile.

I rarely talked throughout the whole one hour. I just sat there staring at the floor. Even then she would still me taking notes, I didn't know why. I wasn't doing anything so there was nothing to write down about but I didn't really care, it was just strange. I thought this whole therapy thing was very awkward, I never talked about my feelings before. Probably because I never had any, not until I met Daphne. She made me feel things I don't think I would ever feel in a million years. I did talk a bit and when I did it was just to answer her questions like what has made you do these things to yourself? I hesitated when answering that. I haven't actually talked about her being missing or anything because I feel like if I do then I would break down and think about how stupid I was that I wasn't there to save her. I would put all the blame on myself. With a big deep breathe, I told her that my girlfriend was missing and that she has been for weeks now and I don't know what to do. I told her that I missed her and wanted her back. I held in my tears while saying that. It hurt to officially say that she was missing even though she had been for ages but I've never said it out loud. After the session, I walked back to the common room to find no one in there. I thought maybe all my friends were in Draco's dorm like always but they weren't. I was slightly freaking out. Did all my friends leave me? And they now missing too?! I started to hyperventilate at these thoughts and started running around Hogwarts frantically looking for them. I did get weird stares from people but I didn't care, I just needed my friends right now. I ran into the library to find Draco with the golden trio. I ran over getting Dracos attention. When he saw the state I was in he looked really concerned.
"Mattheo are you alright?" He asked.
"Where a-are the o-others?"
"What? Why? What's wrong?"
"Just t-tell me!"
"They're out at the field watching some people play quidditch I don't understand what's wrong?"
I looked around frantically seeing everyone including the golden trio staring at me. I started to hyperventilate more and couldn't breathe. Draco noticed this and quickly took me out the room taking me to the bathroom to try and get me to calm down. I splashed water on my face.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"
"Shut it Malfoy or I swear to god I will punch you in the face right now"
"Calm down I'm just concerned what happened?"
"I-I don't actually know"
Draco decided that we had to go back to the therapist to see if she could tell us what just happened. We explained everything to her and she looked a little worried.
"What? Is it bad?"
"It's no that bad"
"Why you making those faces then?"
"I just didn't know you were suffering this much. You didn't really talk through the session"
"Mattheo, you said you would try" Draco said disappointed.
"Shut. Up Malfoy"
"Ok so I think what you experienced was a panic attack"
My eyes widened. I had a panic attack?
"Why?"
"You're girlfriend is missing correct?"
I nodded slowly.
"You're probably afraid that everyone you care about or your friends will suddenly disappear just like her. You're probably afraid that you'll have no one and be left alone"
This was overwhelming.
"Im afraid?" I chuckled "I'm not afraid of anything. I've never been afraid of anything."
"Well, it seems this girl had a big impact on you"