ANGEL

Thirteen.

Before I left for Miami, I had a talk with my parents. They knew about Mya, and felt terrible for me. But they didn't know about Beyoncé's pregnancy. I felt they needed to know, so the day before I left for Miami we sat around the dinner table and talked.

"Y'all remember Bey? Beyoncé?" I asked after a moment of silence.

My mom smiled, "I do! Such a pretty girl, inside and out. What happened to you two anyway?"

"That's the one you complained about having strict parents?"

I nodded. Beyoncé and I was together for awhile so of course my parents remembered her. Her mother, Tina was my mother's stylist ever since we moved from New York. They were fairly close.

"What about her? She's okay?" My mom asked nervously.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "I haven't talked to Bey since —"

"Since?"

"Okay, I have something to tell y'all." My parents gave me their full attention, "Beyoncé was pregnant... That's why we broke up."

My mother gasped, "What? Both of you told me that you guys weren't sexually active! How does that happen Shawn Carter? And how come we haven't seen a baby around here!?"

My father looked at me with his jaws clenched. I bit down on the inside of my cheek, "That was two years ago. I told her I didn't want any parts with that. I have my entire life ahead of me. I was only 17. I was a child myself."

"And so was she!" My mother yelled, "How dare you? For the last time, where is this baby? I refuse to have you sitting around here not taking care of your responsibilities! I'm going to call her mother!"

"Ma, her dad told me to stay away. They moved, remember? I don't know where the child is."

My mother sighed while my father continued to chew on his food. It became quiet between us until my father decided to add his two cents.

"Gloria, maybe that was the smart decision. He's right. A child is something he doesn't need right now. He's going to Miami to start his career and he doesn't need someone following him around. Not Beyoncé and not a baby."

"I bet that's easy for you to say, Shawn Sr. Look at all the other children you have that you don't look after. You're raising my son to be just like you and I won't have that. I'm calling her mother. I need answers."

My mom indeed called Beyoncé's mother. It took a few months because it seemed as if Tina was dodging calls. That's when we learned that an adoption had taken place. It was hard for me to believe because I knew Bey was against all of that. She told me countless amount of times how she wanted to keep her baby and raise him, even if she had to do it alone.

I moved to Miami and lost interest in Beyoncé and Mya. There were too many beautiful women around me to ever care about my exs and what they were doing with their lives. Unfortunately for me, karma wasn't done yet.

For the first time in my life, I was burned. I contracted Chlamydia, an STD that was curable but still changed my life. I was 25 then, and realized that my lifestyle had to change. Fucking these women came with a price that I wasn't willing to pay. I never told anyone — It was my secret.

By this time, all my friends were somewhat settled down with their women and kids of their own. Seeing them with their kids made me think of the child I had with Beyoncé. I questioned how I would be as a father. Would me and her still be together? What was our son like? Did he look like me? Did he look like her? It made it hard for me to date because I suddenly couldn't get them off my mind and the terrible way I treated her. I searched for her everywhere but seemed to come up short every single time. I wondered if she was married now, or had more kids. I needed to talk to her.