The new marauder

Chapter 9

I shuffle along to first lesson. I'm half asleep and as I don't get much sleep anyway, I'm feeling extra tired today. It never shows on my face though. I don't let it.

I'm glad I helped Remus though, at least something good came from it. But while he was sound asleep in his hospital bed, I was still forced into lessons by Lily. I can't blame her though, she doesn't and won't ever know about this.
Sitting down with a sigh, I get out my charms book, parchment and a quill. I try to listen to what he's saying but his words get jumbled up with my thoughts and by the end my notes make no sense.

Why don't I get a potion to wake me up? Pride, I don't like giving in, it's a weakness.  A weakness I hate having.
It's not my fault I can't sleep, but then again it is. I keep my self awake thinking about that bloody letter, about seeing them, cold and lifeless. And most of all, I think about that room.
I shudder and pay attention to where I'm going. Potions. Maybe this will wake me up.

"You don't look so good, are you feeling okay?"

I nod at Lily and carry on stirring the potion. I can feel myself slip in and out of conscience, but I will make it through the day.

Remus returns at dinner looking a lot better, can't say the same for myself. I thought it impossible for my skin to get any paler, but by the end of the day I'm whiter than paper. I receive a lot of worried glances front the marauders and Lily, but I insist I'm fine. I know they're far from believing me.

I think I just some fresh air, so I grab My coat and scarf as its cold and head down to the lake.    
The water seems to sense my presence and starts to swirl in pretty patterns, as does the earth beneath my feet.
It's times like these I really love being an elemental, it's makes the world ten times more beautiful than it already is. Although my strongest power is fire, I enjoy the calming sensation that watching water can bring to a person. I sit down on a rock and carefully move it further out, so I'm surrounded by water. I was right, this really clears my head. I close my eyes and will myself to empty my head.

When I open my eyes, darkness has fallen and the stars are twinkling over head. I love the night, I really do. The calmness of it, due to no one being awake is eery but it gives me a feeling of being free. Away from the judging eyes, a time to let free.
And that's what I do.
I have always treasured myself in my water skills. The silky blue water travels up into the air, swirly in the way I make it. Changing colours, glowing in the darkness. I tread over the water as if it were solid, walking in the beauty of it all.

I make it as I want it, and for the first time since my family died, I feel somewhat at peace.