I wake up by my mom yelling my name.
"Katie, someone's here for you!" She says yelling
"Mom who is it?" I say confused.
Oh shit. I totally forgot that Shawn was coming.
"Shawn, he said he needs to talk to you," she says loudly.
"Mom.. No I'm not coming down," I say frustrated. I don't want to see him.
"Katie come down please," she says.
I decide to get up. Maybe I can give him a chance to explain. Man, I really want to hear this.
I start to walk downstairs and Shawn lights up when he sees me.
"Why don't you two go downstairs," my mom says to make it less awkward.
I head downstairs not even bothering to look at Shawn.
"Katie," Shawn says desperately, "Let me explain."
"Shawn please. Why did you come here? I have no idea why you even want to date me. You're famous. I'm not. You've known Lauren forever, and you've only known me for 5 months. If I'm not good enough for you, whatever. But I don't need you to pretend to love me. I need someone better than that for me," I say proudly.
"Katie... I love you. I've always loved you and I always will. You mean so much to me. I can't even imagine being without you," Shawn says.
"Fine. Just explain what happened," I say irritated.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't think it would've happened like this. Lauren came to my concert in Minneapolis and texted me afterwards. I thought she wanted to hang out, so I met with her. She invited me to go get coffee so I did."
"Okay?" I say confused where this is going.
"Once we got there, she told me that she still had feelings for me. She looked me in the eye and asked me if I still had feelings for her. I said I liked her as a friend but not more than that. Lauren asked me to kiss her once and if I didn't feel anything than she could move on.
"She said that if she didn't know for sure that I didn't like her, she would continue to have feelings for me. So, I decided that if this is the only way that I can show her that I love you, then of course I would do it.
"So, I kissed her. Obviously someone managed to get a picture of us kissing. But I promise, it only lasted for 2 seconds and than it was over. I told her I didn't feel anything, so she left. It's over. I love you, Katie. You are the only girl that means anything to me," he said while finishing his long soliloquy.
"Shawn.." I say trying to process in everything.
"Katie, I understand if you don't know what to say. Just remember that I love you," he says.
"Shawn, there is something I have to tell you," I say worried what he'll think.
"What? Katie say it," he says sounding very worried.
"Ian kissed me when we went to the waterpark. He told me that he had feelings for me and that he wanted to see if I had feelings for him," I said.
"What the hell Katie, why didn't you tell me anything?" He said angrily.
"Shawn, can I ask you something? Something important," I say.
"Did you have feelings for Lauren? Feelings for her at all while we were dating? Even when you kissed her once. Be honest. Did you have feelings for her?" I said.
He paused for awhile looking like he was thinking.
"Katie you can't ask me to answer this. I've been friends with her forever and she's one of my best friends..." He says.
"Alright. That's all I needed to know. You should probably go," I say trying to hold the tears in.
"No, Katie you can't tell me to go now. I need to explain," he says nervously.
"Shawn I knew you didn't have feelings for me. Yea, maybe a little but nothing will ever beat the feelings you have for Lauren," I say.
"No, not true. I love you Katie. I love Lauren as a friend not anymore than that. I might've felt something when she kissed me but I just.. I just..." He says not knowing what to say.
"Exactly what I thought. And since we are talking about feelings, when Ian kissed me..I think I felt something towards him," I say this. Even though I felt a little something, it wasn't strong.
I just said that because I felt alone. I felt like I needed to say that or else I'll seem desperate.
"God damn it, Katie. I don't know what to say right now.."
"Maybe you don't have to say anything. If you still love Lauren, I understand. But please don't use me again. I don't need that in my life right now," I say not sure how I'm holding the tears in.
All of a sudden I start to cry a little. I can't contain my emotions in right now. I don't know what to think.
"Fuck Katie I can't see you cry. You still mean too much to me..I can't see you like this. Fuck whatever happened. That's in the past. Please. Just please forgive me. I need to know you still love me," he says.
"Let me know that there's still something between us. If you want, I can leave you alone is that's what makes you better."
"But let me know you still love me." He says.
