Chapter 36
Haley
I made it to the bridge in record timing. I was a full two days ahead of schedule. Which was a good thing, the downpour was strong and seemingly never going to let up. The small covering of Mary's bridge would have to work for the time being. I leaned against the wooden railing and felt a kind of relaxation that comes form letting one's feet full rest, remaining in an extended moment, hearing the pitter-patter of rain and thunder in the gray sky.
I had a sinking feeling of anxiety in my gut. I knew what was going to happen once Nikolai got here. And I had to harden my heart. Normally we would just be coming out of winter. But, looking at the dead tree bare of any fruit or leave, the icey chilled air and the brown dead grass all told me we weren't even close to being done with winter.
I know that Chester isn't prepared for an influx right now and we can barely feed the people we have. I just had to try and remember what Nikolai always tells me, how we are being hero's for even getting these people out of there. I've been in charge of Chester since he left and I saw firsthand that while we aren't doing horrible on supplies, there is no way we can support bringing in a lot of people. So, on one hand I knew that the best case would be for that village to have as few survivals as possible. On the other hand, I couldn't help but wish that everyone got to live. I didn't want to show that kind of worry to Noah or really anyone, so I left early to meet Nikolai. It turns out that it was the right decision to make because I can even see from here movement on the other end of the bridge. I do as he taught me and stay out of site until I can see for certain that it is him with the survivors. Seeing him alive brings me joy, but what's behind him fills me with horrible dread.
In a two horse drawn buggy Nikolai road towards me staying about 20 feet in front of any group he is bringing towards Chester just in case there is some kind of problem. The most common is when someone tries to take the guns from him and take over. Especially because he doesn't like to lie to them before leaving. This usually ends up with someone dead and the rest of the survivors obeying him. I count around 30 and know that most of them can't come with us. He stops in the middle of the bridge, halting everyone with him. That is my cue and I run to join him, surprising him that I am actually this early. His face will never show the emotion though, but if you spent as much time with Nikolai as I have then you know the slight changes that nobody else can notice. He just hands me an AK and jumps down from the carriage. We both turn to the crowd.
"As I told you before we don't have room in Chester for all of you. I promised to save you and help you escape your village alive, and I have done that. But now we must pass judgement on who can follow us home and who needs to turn around and find other living conditions for yourselves." Then he turns to me.
"You remember how to pick who to bring with us?"
"Yes, based on who died and who can help protect the village." I respond, knowing my training.
"We can bring seven of them back with us. How do you think that needs to be split?" He asked me, but I knew that everything he asked was a test.
"Five should be the largest strongest men of the survivors." I say and he looks at me questionably.
"Only 5?"
"Yes, two should be women of.... fertile age." I stick by my answer.
"Very good. Now the men are easy, and it wouldn't be much of a test for you. So, you go and try to tell me which of the females look best for taking home." He ordered me.
He was right that with the men it was clear who were the strongest and largest in the lot. When we get a rescue mission most of the ones who escaped tended to be strong men. I would say about 20 of the 30 fit that quality and only five would get to come. Out of the 10 women though three of them were already much too old to be of use. The other seven seemed okay and I tried to eyeball which ones seemed to be in their 20s and 30s so they could both reproduce and help the village. Eventually I saw the two that seemed best and pointed them out to Nikolai. He pulled them forward with the five largest men and I saw them in a nice, neat line.
My stomach was turning at the fact that we had to do this. To pick people like cattle and doom the rest to probably be dead within the next few days. They escape only to be put into just as bad a position. I can only try to tell myself that I am doing to right thing to keep me calm in this position. I wait as Nikolai informs them of what they all suspect, and I get to watch the rest of them walk off to never be seen again.
"These seven will make fine additions to our community. The rest of you, however, must turn around and leave." Nikolai declared.
"That's complete idiocy!" One man yelled.
"You can't just leave the rest of us here!" Screamed another.
Usually, we got some protests from old women and a few angry men. This time was different though because they decided to all move in towards me and Nikolai. The crowd was unruly and like I said before, the men were all large and strong. I took a few steps back and wanted to just turn and run. I knew what I had to do though as they were closing in and I started to hear the shots fired from Nikolai. I aimed my gun into the crowd and started shooting wildly. Even then some men once shot would still charge towards me trying to take the weapon. One even got a hand on the barrel before a shot blew his brains out of his skill. It was pure madness and I had never experienced anything like this before. I didn't even realize that they were all dead until I felt Nikolai grabbing me and ripping the gun out of my hands.
"STOP WASTING AMMO!" He yelled and it snapped me out of my daze.
I looked around on the bridge and saw the complete carnage of not only the villagers that weren't picked, but those that were as well. Nikolai was mumbling about maybe having someone come and clean up this mess. I couldn't really hear well from all the gunshots firing by my ears. I hear what think is ringing, but as my ears settle down I can still hear it. As I am walking with Nikolai back to our side of the bridge I know for sure what I am hearing.
A baby crying.
I rush to it and lift up the baby who was shielded by its mother.
"We can bring her back." I tell Nikolai
"No, she has bad blood. That village was full of uncivilized swine."
"It's just a baby." I try to argue back to him.
"Leave it here to die." He orders.
"No. I'm bringing it back with me to the village." I refute and against his orders bring the baby with me.
I put the baby in the horse drawn carriage that Nikolai had brought back with him. Then I sat there and waited for him, unmoving and unwavering. He finally conceded and got into it as we took off back towards Chester. Holding the baby in the arms I think about the woman that was holding it. This was clearly a newborn baby, and that woman could have been its mother, or just someone that wanted to protect it. Either way she was dead now after all the good that she tried to do. Meanwhile I am here having killed them and being seem supposedly as the hero. I don't feel very much like a hero right now after that ordeal. When they would turn and walk away I could at least pretend they found another village or made it live off the land on their own. When their bodies are splayed all over the bridge like that though I can't just pretend.
I look closer at the baby and can tell that it is a baby girl. Even though I barely know her I feel such a strong urge to protect her. I want to shield her from this world the same way that woman shielded her from my bullets. I don't want what I have seen to have to taint her as well. In Chester though we all have roles to follow and soon she will as well. She will be plenty of unpleasant things, but I hope more than anything she doesn't end up like me. A person that people call a hero and people thought was a hero when in reality I know that I'm not. When we get back Nikolai will say that this baby was the only survivor and speak nothing more of it. Then someone in Chester that recently had a baby of her own will take her and nurture her. She will grow up in Chester thinking of me as a hero who saved her, not as a monster that killed her real mother. I close my eyes, not wanting to think about it any longer.
