Secret Love Nest '21

CoDependent

Last night, I made pancakes and added bittersweet choco chips in them because why not? Also, I made pancakes for dinner. Yes, I had them for dinner...in case anyone is wondering how adulting is going for me. I am a 29 year old man who made pancakes for dinner, with choco chips in them.

Now, some of you might say...Dayu ah, having pancakes for dinner is not bad. Its alright. Thats why we have the term "breakfast for dinner" that we use for times like this.

In that I will say...NO! No adult person should have pancakes with choco chips in them for dinner...ever! No adult person in their sane mind should do that. Not unless you are going through something...in which case, thats understandable. But if you don't have problems that is pushing you to borderline insanity...you shouldn't do this. Have a proper dinner, prefereably with rice and soup. It could be light dinner of sandwiches or salad or even instant ramen with kimchi or rolled sushi, thats alright...but not pancakes.

Why did I say that? Because its depressing. If you don't have kids you are trying to cajole to eat at night and you made pancakes...why? Why? And if you are someone who is thinking of making pancakes for dinner, let me stop you now. Instead of making pancakes, I urge you to pick your phone and call someone. You need help. You need to talk to someone. It doesn't matter if you need to rant or cry, call someone. Don't cook pancakes, call someone.

Believe me, I know. I told you all, I made pancakes last night and while eating them, I almost cried. It was just so sad and depressing. Eating breakfast pancakes for dinner is not the way to live, people. Its not. I'm sorry to people who loves pancakes and would even want them for dinner...stop that. You can have pancakes for breakfast, brunch and snack...but not for dinner. Its...just sad if you do that.

I was sad last night. Probably a bit depressed too. Qing didn't have dinner with me because he was out the whole day to attend lectures in the university where he's enrolled. In the afternoon, Qing texted me to say he has to have a meeting with his groupmate for a group project. He warned me that the meeting might take some time as they will form the layout of their project so he might have dinner with them.

So last night, it was me, myself and I. And while wandering around the condo without anyone with me, I kinda feel sad all of a sudden so instead of making a decent dinner, or call someone to talk to, I made pancakes and I ate them with all my regrets pouring out of my body. And when I said "all my regrets", I meant ALL my regrets. I even remembered the regrets I felt when I didn't answer Qing's call around four years ago when we had a fight during the early stages of our relationship.

(A four year old regret? What?)

Yeah...you see, thats the state of my mentality last night while eating pancakes. I mean, I don't know what it is about being 29 but for those who are in my age or older than me, I have a question. Is it normal to replay every mistakes you think you made in your head when you are alone and sad? Asking for me.

(Dayu ah...you are right. You should've called someone instead of making the pancakes)

I know! I'm right...right? I knew it. I called it. I was right. Don't cook the pancakes, instead call someone to talk to. But shoot, I guess we will add last night's pancake debacle to my books of regrets.

Anyways, the good thing was I already finished sad eating the pancakes I made by the time Qing came home from school.

Qing: (putting down his backpack at the living room floor) (taking off his ballcap) Hey, Love. (kissing my cheek)

Me: (sitting on the couch while nursing a glass of red wine) Hey you. How was school?

Qing: (sitting beside me) It sucks! School sucks. Studying sucks. I lost count of the times I asked myself today about why am I doing this again.