Majesty Of Zion | Kookjin ✓

His Pov: Chapter 5

Jungkook's POV:

Why aren't I good enough? Am I too old? Too short? Or is it that I'm not working hard enough? It's been a while since I last dealt with a setback like this. A fashion house with whom I have been working for years abruptly released me from my contract. It makes no sense. I just appeared in Paris fashion week. "..." Rolling over in bed, I gaze up at the ceiling. The fashion house said, You're a designer with your own apparel brand...we don't want to hold you back, you should spread your wings and fly. That, of course, was nothing more than a pleasant sounding excuse. I have a feeling I know the real reason why they fired me. As much as I don't want to believe it, they must have had issues with my age, my height, and my work in general. They probably feel like I don't go with their image anymore. "So... What could I have done?" I questioned myself. There must have been something. Although, even if I figured it out now, there's no turning back time. "..." Never even bothering to sigh, I'm staring up at the ceiling when I hear a knock.

"Jungkook?" I hear Seokjin's voice on the other side of the door, but I am not in the mood to talk to anyone. Changing positions, I turn my back on the door. "Dinner's ready. I guess you are not in the mood to eat, but... I'll be waiting in the living room."

"..." He must still be standing in front of the door. I don't hear him walk away. Hurry up and go, already. Closing my eyes, I remain perfectly still. Then, after a little while, I hear his slippers shuffle off down the hall. What's wrong with me? Why did I want him to leave? As I listen to his footsteps fade away, a part of me wishes desperately he would have stayed.

Eventually, I leave my room and make my way into the living room. Sitting down to eat the soup he prepared, I am overcome with the strangest feeling of calm. I don't know much about food. But there's something soothing about this flavor. All of that frustration. All of that damaged pride. I'd been reacting to that pain with thickheaded defensiveness, but now my heart gradually begins to soften. "...Aren't you going to eat anything?" I asked.

Seokjin, "Oh, I already ate."

"...Pfft."

"Disappointed? Let me guess, you wanted me to wait and eat with you."

"...I didn't say that." I'd usually want to be alone at a time like this. But having him around doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. I don't feel like I have to be on guard. A man's never made his way into my heart like this before. His kindness washes over me, touching my heart. Maybe I can trust you. My heart, frozen since that humiliating scandal, finally begins to thaw. I can trust him...right? But painful old memories flash vividly in my mind. That's what I got for trusting someone last time. But I think back on how kind and warm Seokjin has been to me. You're not like that woman. With you. I think I can try to trust again. More certain with every passing moment, I turn to look at Jin. "...Sorry about earlier."

"...!"

"I lost my contract with a big designer. I was in a bad mood." I speak the plain, unvarnished truth. "But that wasn't the real reason. The fashion house doesn't think I go with their image anymore." It hurts to admit the truth out loud. And pouring my heart out to another person makes it even worse. Although, in that moment, I feel somewhat confused by my own feelings, there's nothing but un-shaking certainty in Jin's eyes.

"Listen, and for once, don't write me off because I don't work in the fashion industry. I don't care if it's a top fashion house or whatever... If they don't appreciate how amazing you are, you shouldn't be working with them!"

"What...?"

"They said they want you to 'be free to find even greater international success' and that's exactly what you're going to do. Jungkook, there are jobs out there that no one can do but you!!"

"...!" What is he talking about...? But even as I think that, a new feeling begins to take root in my heart.

"The clothes that work for a certain person...are the clothes that make them feel confident and hold their head up high, right?"

"..."

"I KNOW there are clothes out there that will work for you! And I know there's a fashion house out there that will consider you indispensable!"

"......!" He has no way of knowing that for sure. However, despite my own skeptical thoughts, a gentle ray of light shines through the fog in my heart. It's nice to have someone on your team. No, it's not just that I have someone. It's that it's Seokjin. Although my logical mind is still struggling to process everything, my heart is already swelling with undeniable emotions. I. I want to be with you.

Anticipating trouble sleeping tonight, I have Seokjin lie down with me. "G'night." I stated.

Seokjin, "Good night." Our meager conversation ends there. His hair's so pretty now. Jin's hair stretches across the pillow to me. My hand reaches out on its own to touch it. It feels so good. Stroking his smooth, luxurious hair makes me feel like everything will be okay. I know I will be able to sleep with you by my side. I didn't understand how I managed to fall asleep on the way back from Paris. But I definitely get it now. This is what people call happiness. The things he said made my heart feel lighter, both tonight and that day on the plane. He accepts and supports me. And I can feel the way my expression softens when I look at him. I know what this feeling is. I will do it tomorrow. I will tell him how I feel. I have to. Because now that I have tasted this peace and joy, I want more. Playing with his soft hair in the dark, I never take my eyes off Jin's profile.

Our happy days don't last for long, though. One night, I make a last minute decision to attend a party, and we break up afterwards over an unresolved misunderstanding.

Click

"..." Now, I always wait until I'm sure Jin is gone before I take the elevator down to the 1st floor. We've been avoiding each other since that night. We have stopped eating meals together entirely and rarely even see each other. Should we happen to end up in the living room at the same time, one or both of us immediately leaves without saying a word. It had been so long since I last enjoyed being around someone as much as I enjoyed being around him, and now everything is all messed up. I need you, Jin. How could you decide to end this without having taken my feelings into consideration? Why can't you see what you're doing to me? I stare at the front door, asking unspoken questions he will never hear. Oh. "...!" A subtle, lingering fragrance makes my heart ache. It's a gentle scent I only experienced during those few days of joy. I probably won't ever get to experience it up-close ever again. Why did he have to lump me in with his ex? A scene from that night, after the party, springs to life in my mind's eye.

Seokjin, "I never want anyone to tell me, 'I don't need you in my life' ever again. I'm scared of losing the happiness I have built for myself."

"I'm not like your ex, I-" He cuts me off.

"I am very aware of that. That's why I hate myself so much for doubting you..."

"Then..."

"But I am still scared. Because I can't confidently say that a day won't come when you decide you don't need me around anymore."

"You never really wanted to change." I said to myself. All of a sudden, I see my old self in him. When I was bullied as a kid, I wanted to be different. I wanted to become a model who could weather any scandal to find success. But I didn't change overnight. It was a process, two steps forward, one step back. No matter how brave or determined you are. When you have been hurt badly, it's easy to slip back into old habits. Still staring at the door he walked through minutes earlier, I mumble. "Happiness is real. Happiness that can never be destroyed. You can be happy with me. You just need to give it a chance." He shined a light on my heart when I was lost in darkness, and now I want to do the same for him. I want to see you smile again. And so, right then and there, I make a decision.