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Funny poems 2

My shout outs are for KittieKattzies, nezo_ask, ZombieQuxxn, ZombieFanGirl101 and Zoee_Josie121.

Tide, A Family Choice

My whites were dark and dingy
My colors failing fast,
Giving up was coming close
My mom said "Tide will past."
I've tried so many other soaps
I've grown so tired and weary,
Frustration caused an overload
My eyes were puffed and teary.
I knew mom used Tide growing up
My dad, he would insist,
Us kids really didn't know
Not just the smell we'd miss.
Now that I'm married now myself
And clothes are piling fast,
Moms words of wisdom fill my thoughts
Cheryl, "Tide will past."
I've used the cheap brands: All of them,
In class my kids would hide,
Most kids there had brighter whites
My son said, "Mom use Tide".
Stubborn me, I gave in
Now my choice is clear,
The only soap in my home was
Tide with bleach this year.

Taxi, Taxi

I put my thumb up to hail a cab,
but they never stop and it drives me mad!
I've lived in this City for a very long time,
Yellow is always crossing my mind.
Is it too much to ask for a little sympathy,
and for a darm cab to actually stop for me?
I would shout and wave and rant and rave,
but still I'd wait here from seven to eight!
Then one day on first wave a driver noticed,
and after all these years I was quickly acknowledged!
I sighed and bent to grab my suitcase fast,
looked up and the cab was nearing, at last!
But back to reality, I must have been daft.
it wasn't me he saw, and drove straight past.

Brain Food

Last night at dinner we had some fish,
and though I tried, I did not finish.
My mother told me while I chewed,
brains loved fish over all other food.

Would a big scary brain come looking to see,
if his favorite food was inside of me?
Excusing myself, I went straight to bed,
and pulled the covers over top of my head.

I tossed and turned without any sleep,
wondering about what brains hate to eat.
Fatty meats and sweets, my mama had said.
So quickly downstairs I silently tread,
and into the kitchen to remedy my dread.

Now erased are my fears to bed,
with any feelings of doom.
For now is sugar sprinkled, widespread,
all about my room.

Spring has sprung me into a tizzy...

I woke to the sights of Spring today
A time that I love and a time I dread
'Cause there's so much I see ahead
Before summer makes its entrance

Spring has sprung me into a tizzy
Awaken my spirit from a long reserve
Hibernation has kept me well conserved
I believe freedom is now in the air

Time to resume, conclude from hiding
To reform myself and all my grounds
To work off all those winter pounds
And get off thy lazy butt

Time to pull out those summer clothes
Refuse those tempting cookies and pies
Curse my chocolate indulging thighs
And squeeeeeze into my swimsuit

Time to break out my Taebo tapes
Pay to bake beneath UV rays
Walk my dog into a daze
All because I heard the birds today

Time to peel back all the layers
Revealing myself like the flowers
Jumpstart myself and find the power
No time to procrastinate

Time to connect with nature's trends
To paint my toes and dye my hair
Store away my granny underwear
And put the bra back on

Time to eat my veggies first
Sport backless dresses and flip flops
Wear daisy dukes and halter tops
Damn, that means I must shave my legs

All this because I heard the birds!

What a life!

I once applied for a life online
Sadly however, I was declined
They told me I was not eligible
So I wrote them a letter to complain
They sent it back, it was not legible
So on with my search for a life
This has given me a bit of strife
I don't have enough money or any good looks
I can't paint a picture or write a book
I can barley chew gum and walk at the same time
I can even be quiet enough to become a mime
I once asked a professor where to find one
He directed me straight to an insane Asylum
I can't play the drums or even a fife
I guess I'll have to re-apply, What a Life!

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