The ultimate joke book

Funny poems

My shout outs are for Jahmee_, SimplyGorgeousIeshaa, HayleySimpson24, singerfan and SydneyP127.

Not all of these poems are mine.

Lucky the dog

My dog my dog His name is lucky,
But his teeth are so big,
We call him bucky,
His tail is short,
And his belly is big,
He looks like my cousin,
Who wears a wig,
Although he is not that...

Dale

I once knew a male,
who's name was Dale,
He drunk a lot of ale,
but went very pale,

He was rushed away,
but was forced to stay,
he went home in a week,
but was still a bit of a freak!

If four is a party then this must be a parade

I have one too many personalities,
I don't know which one is really me,
So if I'm nice at first, and then I'm mean,
You just met Sally, and then met Steve.

Yes, it's strange, but don't be alarmed,
Steve and Sally cause no harm,
Neither does Sarah, or Sammy, or Stu,
But Darwin and Devin and David sure do.

Be cautious around us,
The villains I named,
You won't know who's who,
We all look the same.

Half of us would hug you,
And falsely reminisce,
But half of us will kill you,
So in this cell we sit.

Zoloft

Hello you happy little pill,
A smile, a laugh, a cold dark chill,
When tragedy struck you were given to me,
To ease the pain, to enhance the glee.

Take two a day the bottle says,
Not any more or any less,
To change my mood, brighten my day,
To undo the thoughts of a once dark way.

I remember when before this drug,
My pain reliever came in a jug...
The thoughts of darkness came and went,
My days and nights were drunken spent.

So for those who wish for a better way,
And can't seem to face another day,
Ask for help, you'll feel better still,
From this happy, helpful little pill.

I'm not really 60!

That's not my age, it's just not true,
My heart is young, the time just flew,
I'm staring at this strange old face,
and someone else is in my place!

My body's not in dis-repair,
I've not much grey in my brown hair,
I sometimes feel a little tired,
But go for jogs when I'm inspired.

This age old thing is not for me,
Concessions given, prescriptions free,
I'll just pretend I'm in my prime,
To age too fast would be a crime.

I'm just not 60 in my head,
It's still so long till I am dead,
So please don't see me in that way,
I'm staying young, if that's OK!

The cafe

I'm sitting by the window as I munch my current scone,
And I'm very pleased to see that the early crowd has gone,
The place fills up quite quickly when the cafe opens up,
And after the early rush, only a few are left to sup.

I'm sitting by the window as a tram pulls up outside,
It's mainly full of school kids and lots more want a ride,
I can watch all the people as they scurry off to work,
Up and down the High Street and past the "Ugly Turk".

I'm sitting by the window as I'm joined by my mate Bert,
He's quite a lively lad and with the girls he likes to flirt,
But today he seems unhappy, and as he starts to tell me why,
The waitress comes and asks what he would like to buy.

I'm sitting by the window as Bert gives me the news,
He's having trouble finding a decent pair of shoes,
He's tried all the usual shops but without any real success,
And he really needs a special pair as his feet are in a mess.

I'm sitting by the window reading about my football team,
And I ask the girl who's serving for some apple pie and cream,
I'm feeling rather peckish and this will help to fill me up,
And I also finish off my tea and ask for another cup.

I'm sitting by the window and I see it's started to rain,
The weather's been pretty poor of late and the temperature very low,
I start to wonder whether I should leave and catch my normal tram,
But then it brightens up outside so I order some toast and jam.

I'm sitting by the window as a couple come through the door,
He's is his early forties and she looks about twenty-four,
They go and sit at a corner table out of my direct view,
And I wonder what their relationship is and what they're going to
do.

I'm sitting by the window as the lunchtime crowd appears,
It seems to be young office workers and a couple of old dears,
The sandwiches of cheese and ham are quickly snaffled up,
With crisps and wafer biscuits and some pea soup in a cup.

I'm sitting by the window looking sideways at the Goth,
She's wearing a big overcoat that's been eaten by a moth,
She's also got big hobnailed boots, and to me, she looks quite odd,
But I'm just an old-fashioned pensioner, and some say, a silly sod.

I'm sitting by the window as things start to quieten down,
The youngsters have all eaten up and have drifted into town,
The waitress asks me if there's anything else I want to buy,
And I tell her I'd like a plate of chips and a lovely chicken pie.

I sitting by the window tucking into my pie and chips,
And the staff are counting the takings and working out their tips,
When I've finished eating this meal, I think I'll catch my tram,
Because in the Home, at tea, they've promised cream cakes and plum jam.

Thank you for reading, please vote,comment and follow. I would really appreciate it.