The ultimate joke book

Funny logic 2

My shout outs are for lion333444, SilverWaterGoddess, Sapphire-Blue, sara4343 and Butterlion. Also thank you @itzzanna for all of the votes and comments I really appreciate it. Thank you everyone for all of your support I would not have 10.5k views without every single one of you, so thank you. One other thing would be sorry I didn't update in a week or so I had alot of homework to do, I will update all of the content that I would of updated in one chunk.

Barber

I asked my friend what he knew.

I don't know anything.

Who are you, the Barber of Seville? You know at least one thing, namely that you don't know anything. A contradiction!

So he corrected himself.

I don't know nothing.

It was at that point that my friend stopped being my friend.

This is what logic will do to your social life.

Logic: a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion, with confidence.

But it can also be useful for solving problems.

John had 50 candy bars, and he ate 45 of them. Now what does he have?

Diabetes!

Can't argue with that

My momma always told me:

Don't break a person's heart; they only have one. Break their bones; they have 206.

Who can argue with that logic? Here are some other logical statements with which you won't want to argue, either.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings." So, I got her nothing.

I find it strange that my advisor always begins conversations with me by saying, "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?"

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full; either way, there is room for more alcohol.

I only drink twice a year: when it's my birthday, and when it's not.

My math teacher just fell in a wishing well. Go figure! I never knew they worked.

My advisor says I'll never graduate because I'm lazy. But I just can't take that kind of criticism. I was going to kill myself... but the gun's, like, way over there.

Don't judge a book by its cover... my math book has a picture of someone enjoying himself.

A grad student told his friend, "My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up behind her and kiss her on the cheek. But according to her lawyer, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend."

I got a tattoo of Chinese symbols on my arm that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." So when someone asks what it says...

Boy: I hate my math professor. He's a terrible lecturer, he has bad breath, and he laughs at his own jokes.

Girl: Who's your professor?

Boy: Dr. Jacoby.

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No.

Girl: I'm Dr. Jacoby's daughter.

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No.

Boy: Good.

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