All For Me (Completed)

Chapter 1

"Ahhhhhhh, man I love a hot cup of tea and a good book," I say more for myself than the other people sitting around me in the tucked-away bookstore. I'm surprised I hadn't come across such a cozy place before. I made a wrong turn then went down a side street and ended up here. As I sit sipping my tea and looking at the book, I just finished thinking back on the last few weeks. I realized I needed this more than I knew.

2 weeks ago

"Alana, I just can't do this anymore."  my boyfriend says.

"Can't do what?" I ask knowing exactly what he means but I want him to say it to my face clearly.

"This, Us." he says with his head down, trying to look like he is the victim. I can't stand it when he does that. He genuinely wants people to believe he is the victim. What people don't know is that I have spent the last 6 months being gaslighted and belittled by the man that I thought loved me. It started with jokes that were not funny and got meaner. Then I came home one day from work and heard music coming from our bedroom. The only person there was supposed to be my disrespectful cousin and if she had some company in my bedroom, I was going to have fun dragging her out of my house. When I cracked the door. I saw enough to know why Chris didn't want to have sex with me and it wasn't my weight.

I interrupted him. "Let me stop you there before you make an ass out of yourself. I will not apologize for my weight. I'm a beautiful plus-sized woman and you knew this when you followed me around the grocery store a year and a half ago. When you kept messaging me even when I didn't answer or when we kept "bumping" into each other at other places. But I'm sure this is in addition to the fact that my cousin Lina is pregnant...right?"

The look of shock on his face was EPIC, "Yeah, you guys aren't as sneaky as you thought because I have known about this for months. Don't worry I'm not going to yell or act out in public......it's not my thing. But what I did do is take my time to move my things out, right after I removed you and her from the lease of course. Then I terminated it and got my half of the security deposit back. By the way, I left yours on the table in the dining room."

I stand and gather my things slowly. Basking in the feeling of being free. "You have a week to get out of the apartment. I hope you and she are happy together. I know you won't be sad that I ended this, if anything you're probably mad that I beat you to it." I dropped my key on the table and left.

Present

They say heartbreak makes you look at life differently, but I guess that's only if your heart is in it. I learned I didn't really love him. Sure, he was handsome and smart with an excellent job but that was all. We didn't have a lot in common. I was a bookworm and loved having nights in. I don't have a lot of friends and that's by choice. I chose to keep to myself because I don't need the world to know my name. That was another reason no one knew who I was from my book blog. If I'm being super honest with myself then I have to admit the sexual chemistry wasn't there either. He wasn't enough mentally, emotionally, or physically. So, I decided to use up a good chunk of my well-stocked vacation days and take time off to get to know me again to figure out what I need.

What I need right now is a new book. I get up and I start browsing through the shelves. I love bookstores like this because I could get lost for hours just browsing through what they have. I turn to go down the next aisle of books when I see a very tall and handsome man leaning against the bookshelves looking through a thick book. I had to admit it was like a moment out of a book. I giggle to myself until I realize that I'm going to have to slide past him and it's going to be a close fit because these aisles are really close together.

I clear my throat trying not to startle him. He looks up at me and the first thing that I notice are his beautiful intense brown eyes. He squints to look at me. I smiled and used the gesture that I'm trying to get past. He stands up straight and politely moves so that I can get past. Then he realizes that the aisle is a little snug so he puts his hands in the air so that I can slide past without fear of him touching me.