Moving schools

Writing letters

I've spent the last year writing letters to jamie and getting every single one back I sleep in his bed at the gang house every night I never went to uni I just can't move on my mum and dad sent me to see a doctor a counsellor I went every week he would listen to me told me to write a diary not send letters he helped me to find ways to move on in my life he said 20 years is a long time I will end up going mad some days I think I already have how can one boy make you feel like this I tried telling myself  he's just a bloke nothing special look at all the shit he's put you through  nothing I try helps he said he thinks I'm like this because I didn't get to say bye Jimmy still goes to see jamie he says he does try for me but jamie thinks he's doing the right thing.

I woke up to machine deeping I had lost so much weight I wasn't looking after my self I was lucky to be here still what got me to take action was my mum crying begging me to live and come back to her I didn't try and kill my self but I didnt look after myself I knew then and there I had to leave.

Right now I'm saying bye to my parents standing in a airport I'm going to los Angeles to attend UCLA I had to I can't stay I need to forse myself to move on and what better way to move on get my head in books.

I spent the next 4 years of my life here I never went home once my parents came to me I still didn't trust me to come back i was in a better place i took on loads of  extra  classes so i qualified  faster i got my weight back and was looking great i had a fantastic room mate she's amazing and I love her she helped me so much she's called lousie the first 3 years was spent with me working day and night but the last year i went to partys i got asked out on plenty of dates i just didn't want to i haven't even kissed a boy since jamie i needed to concentrate on me not some other bloke.

Today I'm graduating UCLA I'm now a very high up doctor and surgeon I was working in a hospital in my last year I was doing amazing things and at the age of 23 my future was looking great I'm heading home this week I have a job at the hospital in my home town it was to good to turn down and im in a better place now.

Jimmy and sarah are still together they have a little girl we don't speck but I still look on Facebook we had a falling out just before I ended up in hospital they both said I was putting it on and looking for attention we haven't spoke since, emma ended it with chris she found him cheating on her with kelly of all people we have only spoke a few times in the last  4 years.

Me and lousie are stood crying she's going back home but said as soon as she can she will come visit me she's not just my bestfreind but she's like  my sister I'm lucky to have met her.

So home sweet home im stood in my old bedroom nothing has changed you can do this ellie is what i keep telling my self I'm not the same person you was 4 years ago,  i walk down stair to my mum and dad whispering we need to tell her, no we don't, it's better of us ,no end of, i walk in what's better of you i look at them waiting my mum starts to say we didnt want to tell you with you been so close to the end of your 4 years but jamie is out of prison he came round asking for you we wouldn't tell him where you were he said he wants you back he made a mistake he's out on some kind of witness that's all we know, when, 3 months ago, are you ok my dad asks me, I nod that's not my life any more I can't I won't i hate him it's not healthy for one person to make you feel the way i did my parents just nodded, we ate tea spoke about lousie and my new job I told them how short staffed there are but I love to be busy I can't wait.

I'm sat on my bed looking at all the letters I wrote to jamie every one not read by him I hate him I keep telling my self.

I spoke to lousie and told her she said he's a fucking joke your not his toy find a sexy doctor to get under I was laughing I love her she always had me smiling she wants to be come a counsellor she is perfect for the job she got me through the last 4 years.

I'm starting my new job today I can't wait I'm going to be head of surgery in a&e my old boss got me it I was the youngest doctor to get this job I had to prove myself my old boss said no you just have to be your self my first day went great and the next few weeks did I was in love with my job that's all I needed the hours was long all I did was work and sleep some days I slept at the hospital been the head of surgery ment I was on call 24/7 unless i was on A/L i loved every minute of it everyday was different my staff was great they had my back they said i was a great boss i treat them with respect i had gotten close with a man 5 years older than me called paul he's gay and his husband is a lovely man I haven't seen jamie and that's how I wanted it.

Jamie's pro

Hey man welcome home how does it feel what's the first thing your going to do jimmy asks me, it feels like a dream 4 and a half years is a long time, and the first thing is I'm going to do is get my girl back, I saw the look between jimmy and sarah what's going on guys I'm not sure where ellie is things got bad jimmy says, I'm still waiting for them to carry on ellie wasn't getting better after you cut her of she was losing weight she spent a year writing to you sleeping in your bed we had a falling out when she heard us talking about her saying she needed to move on and shes dragging it out and looking for attention we didn't mean it but we said it,the last we knew is she ended up in hospital she was lucky to be alive then she moved away just under 4 years ago and her parents won't say where, what the fuck did I do to her  I need to see her, I went to see her at her house her mum said she doesn't live here but wouldn't tell me where she is I spent plenty of nights out side hers seeing if she was here but she wasn't I got my men to track her down but nothing came back it's like she died the night she ended up in hospital  no movments after that date,   I've been out of prison 6 months and back to my old ways i don't have ellie so what's the point.

Ellie's pro

It was a very busy day on my ward I was working none stop paul went to get me dinner he's a great man I say all the time to him why do you have to be gay he says sorry but all your lady bits don't do it for me and my perfect man is round the corner I just laugh, ellie ellie I need you my nurse shouts what we got I look up to jimmy and sarah running behind the trolley bed coming in 1 year old girl she can't breath we lost her once on the way here, ok let's get her to theater now I run down to the lifts with her we put her to sleep and I'm scanning her to see why she can't breath then I see it she has a marble stuck in her throat I do a small cut widen her windpipe and remove the marble she is one very lucky girl I finish up take her back to the ward so she can recover and see her mummy and daddy as soon as she wakes up.

Paul's pro

I'm left behind to speck to the parents of the little girl I told them that she's in great hands dr Robson  is the best at her job they is a reason why she's head of surgery she will do everything she can  for your little girl as soon as i know any thing i will let you know a while later I pop my head in to say Dr Robson  is on her way up now she won't be long.

Ellie's pro

I walk back on the ward in my scrubs with baby ellie can I have her in bed 7 please yes boss I got. I walk in to my office to grab a drink of water my nurse came to say she's ready for you I nod as I walk out Paul came with me hey guys so baby ellie had a marble stuck in her  throat I had to do a tiny cut behind her ear so you can't see it to remove it the surgery was a success I'm going to give her pain relief and start waking her up in the next 20 minutes she's going to be upset and grizley I want the braver one out of you to to be with her as I do this jimmy says that's me I nod paul puts the pain relief in her drip right do you have any questions? yes one sarah says thank you for saving her  life ellie as she hugs me, i nod of course I will see you guys soon I walk out and into my office I hate it when baby's come in but this baby is family or should be they named her ellie.

I walk back into the room I was still in my scrubs to jamie stood at baby ellies side talking to jimmy hey you ready can everyone leave apart from you I was looking at jimmy don't worry to much if she starts to struggle to breath it's normal I will just put her back under and try again tomorrow I start to take the breathing tube out and start to slowly wake her up it took a bit longer but we got there she was screaming and jimmy was crying it's a good sign I say I set all her monitor up and tell sarah to come in I'm going to leave you guys for a bit I will be back soon if you need me press the button I say walking out to  do my rounds