Ten Blade

11.05

"I left you alone for a few minute. Am I gonna find my wallet in your pocket?" Nicole let out, as she entered the scrub room Helena was in.

Arizona has already scrubbed in on one of these procedures, now it was Helena's turn.

"I'm sorry that w-we went behind your back." Helena let out, grabbing the soap to begin scrubbing in.

"You're not understanding it. You betrayed me. I though I could trust you."

"Amelia is convinced she can do a complete resection. She's convinced that- "

"Shepherd is in a party of one." She cut her off.

"Nicole, if there's even the slightest bit hope, don't you want to know that?" Helena tried, facing the woman.

"Campos, can you name the single worst, most malignant symptom of terminal cancer? It's hope. It's recurrent and it keeps creeping back in, no matter how many times it gets ripped apart." Nicole told her, as Helena scrubbed, shaking her head. "Mayo face me hope in a phase 3 clinical trial. It failed. NYU hoped that radio surgery would work. It didn't. And Barrow had high, high hopes for a potent combination of chemo and ablation. No go. And every time the hope goes, it takes chunks of you with it. Until you can only find comfort in the one thing that you know you can count on. That this thing is gonna kill you. So you tell Shepherd to keep her hope to herself. Better yet, tell her where to stick it."

——

"And why do we wanna avoid putting in another port?" Nicole asked, in surgery.

"Because each incision increases the chances of rupturing the membranes." Helena told her.

"Exactly."

"Lena." Jackson called, entering the OR. "Uh, sorry to interrupt. I wanted to ask if I could meet with you and talk, you and me and April."

"Her hands are a little full right now, Doctor." Nicole let out.

"O-of course, Jacks. We're almost done here." Helena nodded.

"Yeah, I meant after. But soon, please. I just, uh... I need to be prepared for whatever it is. We need to know everything we can. What it is, what we can do. Everything." Jackson told her, holding a mask to his face.

"I'll find you ASAP." Helena smiled, reassuringly. Then, after he left, she explained to Nicole. "They're my friends, the baby with osteogenesis imperfecta."

"Uh, I see. You're clear on what to tell them?" Nicole asked.

"Yes. I know." Helena nodded.

"Just remember what I said about hope. Don't make it any harder for them than it already is."

At that, Helena scoffed, shaking her head. She'd had too much. "I-I'm sorry, can you take this, please?"

"Campos?"

"I'm done here." Helena ripped her gloves off.

"Campos!"

——

"Campos!" Nicole called out, joining her at the nurses station. "You don't ever walk out of an OR in the middle of a procedure. Ever."