Him

Chapter 70

She just looked at me but her smile was so big, the joker can't compare. The littlest things she does that drives me crazy. I can't believe how much I put her through and she still let me back in. What does she see in me? I've been nothing but a compulsive jerk. Its getting harder to control my emotions now that these new medication is whats suppose to help me. I don't need them. They only make me depressed. I can't be depressed when I have the best thing in my life, right next to me. I kinda wish sometimes she'd just forget about me. But if she did forget me, I'd make sure she remembers me, thoroughly. No one forgets me. I mean no one.

She is so much better than every other girl that I've been with. For some reason, they all lacked what she has. Those girls just threw themselves around. Laura didn't do that. Even when we were broken up, I expected her to do what my ex did and get drunk. Afterwards she slept with my best friend. Who is no longer my best friend. I handled the situation. But Laura didn't do that to me. She never fought back. She never slept with anyone because she was frustrated that she couldn't touch me. Thats how I felt. I wasn't trying to hurt her. I was just getting a breather. I need help. No just mental but also physical. I was disgusted with myself for that whole month. I wanted to drive her closer not drive her out. Its like with the simplest things, she knows how to make it seem like the most complicated thing ever. Thats what I love about her. She was just my beer bottle. Something I could never get enough of. Most of the time I was drunk. She came up to me and I hid the fact that I broke up with her without knowing so. I'm surprised she didn't catch it. She's my life. I don't know what I'll do if I lost her again.

She kissed me. I kissed her back of course. I needed to get home but her lips were so soft. I picked her up and pinned her up against the door. She pulled away as I trailed kisses down her neck. Something I'm so used to doing. She does what drives me crazy for her. But I need to contain myself. Her lips lightly parted. I went for it and slipped my tongue in her mouth. She started to pull the baby hairs on my scalp so I groaned and pulled away. She was turning me on. I didn't wanna be at that level with her...Yet. She isn't ready and I could tell just by looking in her eyes. I put her down and peck her lips one last time. She whined. "Come in." She offered as she opened the door. "I love you but I need to return the car." I remind myself and her. "Aw. Why?" She asked as she started to fiddle with her hair. She put it in an updo. "Stay with me tonight." She said. I bit my lip. "Sounds inviting but if I stay with you any longer, we won't wake for school." I wink. She blushed. Another thing I love about her. She's the only one who has ever shown me any real emotion. Other girls would fake it. I've been in the game long enough to tell the difference. She placed her hands on my chest as I held her waist. "Lets get you to bed." I say. She pouted with her bottom lip. I bit it. "Ow. Why did you do that?" She asked. "Because your stalling." I say. She looked at me innocently. "Am not." She said wrapping her arms around my neck. "I love you". I peck her lips. She smiled and kissed me. Watching her kiss someone else was like an atomic bomb dropped on my heart.

It was completely the last straw you could say. At first I was either on cloud 9 or drunk as fuck. Giving my Laura up is like giving up my backpack and Luna. But even they can't compare to her. I'm a jerk. I'll admit that. Many wanna rip my head off but I get it. Its just I need help and I'm afraid to ask for it. Even my parents. This girl came into my life and its like I need her in my life but at the same time I don't want her to be. I love her. She loves me for me. She's not fake. I don't want her to judge me. But then her opinion matters to me most. I get so over proctective over her when I feel her feelings are changing towards me. I'm afraid that one day she'll just walk out my life like as if she was never there because she's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't care what it takes. Laura will always be mine. No one is coming between us. Even if it means losing control. Anybody tries, their dead.
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