All Rounders Review Shop (CLOSED)

My Wonderful Second Life (Review Thirty-Eight)

Remember that the point of this review is to guide you to improvement. If you have any questions, do not before afraid to talk to your reviewer or to @ericson119. We are here to help you, not review your book and simply move on to the next one.

My Wonderful Second Life
By:

Reviewer: The_Scarlet_Writer

-

Cover/title: 8/10

- I love the cover, especially its soft colors (they're very aesthetic)

- The title is good too, but in my opinion it's a tad too long. Is the "life of an extra character" necessary to be put in the title? If no, then maybe try to include it somewhere else.

-

Blurb: 9/10

- Oh wow, the blurb is very nice. It intrigued me to just start reading immediately. Now, the rest (the part where you're welcoming us) is okay since you clearly separated it from the blurb, but I still think it would be better to write them in an author's note at the start of the book.

-

First chapter: 7/10

- Personally, I think it was a good first chapter, but it would be even better if you try to fix the tenses of the verbs and try to organize your punctuation (I'll talk about these two next).

-

Grammar/punctuation: 5/10

- I noticed in the first chapter a slight switch between the present and the past tenses. For example, in paragraph 1: "I said", then in the second paragraph: "I do not need". It's always recommended to choose one tense for narration and to stick to it.

- Now, about the punctuation, in the first chapter, I feel like you overused the "..." in the second paragraph (you used it 4 times).
I think going through your chapters thoroughly is a good idea, since in the second chapter, in the fourth paragraph, you switched from "I" to "she". It happened a couple of times later in the book too.

- In chapter 5, paragraph 9, you wrote "sited", it should be "sat" since it's an irregular verb, as well as a few other grammatical mistakes in some of the following chapters.

-

Vocabulary: 8/10

- Basically, you have a nice vocabulary and your descriptions are good too.

-

Plot/Pacing: 8/10

- The start was a bit rocky I admit, but the more I read, the better it got. The story is very interesting and I'm so excited to see what happens to Luna/Lucreatia.

-

Characters/character development: 8/10

- In the beginning, I felt a distance between Luna and I, and wasn't able to understand her, but as I said, it got better and I was able to imagine myself in her shoes.

- Introducing new characters was a smooth process with you and that's something I really admire. Your descriptions also got better, which helped with building a background for each character.

-

Originality: 9/10

- I've read a couple of stories where the main character becomes a part of a book, but yours was unique and did have some nice plot twists; I was pleasantly surprised by some of them.

-

World building: 9/10

- When Luna became Lucreatia, she became a part of a new world, and as readers, so did we.

- You did a good job on creating that world and introducing it to us, especially when you told the whole tragedy of poor Lucreatia, I thought it was a very smart thing to do; not only it made easier for us to actively become part of the story, but it also helped us understand what was happening.

-

Imagery: 9/10

- You did good here too, and it was nice to try and imagine myself in the story. Although the grammatical mistakes did interrupt me here and there, so I'd suggest working on that.

-

Overall: With some editing, you're good to go. I love it!

-

Questions for the author:

- What do you think of the review? Did it help you improve?

- What kind of story are you going for? Tell us so we can understand you.

- What do you enjoy about writing? Tell us how it makes you feel.

- What is your writing process like?