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The Unbecoming of Kiara Taylor (Review One)

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The Unbecoming of Kiara Taylor by Vinita03

Reviewer: MiniMoxx

Cover/Title: 8/10

. The cover is good! I like it, it gives off the romance vibes.
. The title is all right. To make it look more professional, I would get rid of the crown emojis. Upon reading the blurb, it doesn't really give off much of the plot. I'm hoping as I read it'll become clearer what relevance it has.

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Blurb: 4/10

. I think the blurb is a little all over the place and could do with shortening and tightening up. The first person you should introduce us to is the main character, not the love interest. I'd also get rid of the "Kiara: 25..." that reads like a profile. I would start with something like "Kiara Taylor refuses anyone to stand in her path until she meets Arnav..." (I'm paraphrasing here but you see what i mean).
. Right now the blurb is so long I would personally skip it and the point of it is to draw people in.
. The last 3 little bits are what we're going for - I'd use these, and tidy up the grammar/structure of them. Use these as your base.
So, get rid of the full stop before 'bound by' - these sentences can be combined.

. As an aside, there are SO MANY preface chapters before we get to the story. I'd use ONE chapter on Wattpad for aesthetics/playlist etc etc. It's so long, and I'm not sure why you need two chapters for playlists.

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First Chapter: 3/10

. That first paragraph is lovely, it hooks the readers in and is very relatable. The part where Kiara introduces herself to us feels awkward. Mainly because it breaks the fourth wall, and if that's the style of writing you're going for, that's great but it doesn't feel like it so far.
There are better ways of giving us her character without TELLING us. SHOW us. This can be done through the way she speaks, by other people looking at her/talking to her. For example you can SHOW us that she lived in London by having her looking at pictures as she walks through her room, show us that her grandma died by having her think of good moments with her.
. Not sure why her inner thoughts are in brackets, just the italics are fine.
Instead of 'ding-dong goes the door', just do a "the doorbell rang"

Overall: The first chapter doesn't hook me. It's a big info dump about our main character. While the first chapter of a book doesn't HAVE to have much happening in it, one big info dump isn't great. The chapter needs to hook, have a good cliffhanger, descriptions. The ending didn't feel complete either.

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Grammar/Punctuation: 3/10

. In the first chapter, where Kiara is being yelled at, you don't need to do this: Kiaaaaraaa. It looks distracting as a reader. Instead, I would use dialogue tags or in case of being in-dream, I would use description to show the reader the yelling/whining etc.
. I've noticed in some instances where you're not using a full stop in the dialogue, you aren't using punctuation. When dialogue isn't complete within the speech marks, you need to use commas, or a dash (this would be if interrupted). "Like this," says the reviewer.
. I've noticed a few tense changes throughout. It looks like you're trying to stick to past tense so try and stick to that throughout. Some places feel awkward, and I think it's the wording in places. For example: 'what does he considers himself to be' - this is grammatically wrong, but it's a little awkward anyway. Why would she think that and what does it mean?
There are some places that words are joined together.
. "Harry Styles" needs to be capitalised as it's a name of a person.
. Some places aren't capitalised when you start dialogue.
. When you use exclamation points, you only need one, not 4 or 5.