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Shipwreak Quest Point Reyes (Review Thirteen)

Remember that the point of this review is to guide you to improvement. If you have any questions, do not before afraid to talk to your reviewer or to @ericson119. We are here to help you, not review your book and simply move on to the next one.

Shipwreck Quest Point Reyes
By JadeSapphireRuby

Reviewer: The_Scarlet_Writer

Cover/title: 5/10

- First off, I'm all for the dark theme in the cover, but having just a bland black background is bland and uninteresting in my opinion.

- Second, the small paragraph in your cover:

"Lucy, Jasmine, Nick....... Repeats itself?"

Is better suited as a blurb than being on the cover. I would even say it's better than the one you have right now in my opinion.

- The title is good, but perhaps it would be better if it simply was "Point Reyes". You'd give us a mysterious sense of the book, which would cause us to click on that read button.

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Blurb: 6/10

- It's not bad. I know how hard it is to write a blurb, but as I already mentioned, the paragraph in the cover would be more fitting.

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First chapter: 6/10

- Now I'm glad we met Lucy and got a glimpse of her family before the action starts, but maybe try to give us the information in a smoother way, rather than having essentially her speak to the reader.

- There are some things that are unnecessary and very distracting. (They're in all the other chapters that I read too):
The capital letters are honestly an distracting sight for me when reading (I do use them in texting lol). Example: "I HAD TWO GLASSES ...".
I use italic and underlines in my books too, but I feel you overused them in this chapter.

- Last but not least, there's no need to stretch the words, such as "ohhhhhhh". The power of a book is transmitting the emotions without needing to use all of these, and I honestly believe you are capable of it.

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Grammar/punctuation: 6/10

- You are swinging from the present tense to the past one. I advise you to stick to one.
We're all tempted to add many exclamation marks to emphasize the surprise, anger, etc. but using only one is enough.

- A common mistake, or maybe just a typo, but I've got to tell you anyway: in some places, when you're using the short form of "you are" which is "you're", you're instead writing "your" which is possessive.

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Vocabulary: 6/10

- The vocabulary was fine, but I feel it was basic in the beginning.
I didn't know where to write this, so I'll just add it here: in chapter 6, paragraph 1, you added the emoji: P, I mean, it's cute but also unnecessary.
In chapter 8, when they discover the ship: you used the word "ship" 4 times in one sentence. My advice would be to avoid repetition.

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Plot/Pacing: 6/10

- The pacing was fine, although I feel it was a little bit slow. First, we got to meet our main character Lucy, then we went through with her moving and meeting new friends. I understand you want to give them some time before having them discover whatever they're going to discover, but you can do this while adding more scenes with each other, as well as some hints (like the beach changing from rock to sand). It's basically adding more suspense to your story.

- I find some scenes a bit irrelevant, such as telling us what she had for dinner, then what she read on wattpad. Perhaps you can sum it all up in one sentence so she can end the day, and for you to continue on writing. The more you drag it on, the more uninterested we get, and that would be a shame because you have potential.

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Characters/character development: 6/10

- I love the twins, and you were able to show their mischief clearly. Great job. Same for Jasmine.
Max was maybe a little left out, since I have no opinion of him whatsoever.
When they discovered the ship wreck and all the horror that came with it, they continued on with their life as normal. That didn't make much sense to me, and I feel writing more profound reactions would give the story and the characters a nice edge.

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Originality: 9/10

- I love the idea of the story, it's original and very interesting.

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World building: 5/10

- I read as far as chapter 10, but I didn't feel as if I was sucked into another world. Maybe fixing some of the stuff that I told you about will help.

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Imagery: 7/10

- Now, I wasn't really able to imagine all the scenes, because I was pretty much distracted by all the stretched words and capital letters.

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Overall: I'm sorry if I came out mean in any part of my review, I was just giving you my honest opinion. Don't feel discouraged by my words, take them as an incentive to work harder. I've seen your author's notes and you're a gem. Keep going, edit your story and become an amazing writer. If you need anything, hit me up.

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Questions for the author:

- What do you think of the review? Did it help you improve?

- What kind of story are you going for? Tell us so we can understand you.

- What do you enjoy about writing? Tell us how it makes you feel.

- What is your writing process like?