On Top [H.S.]

Chapter 50

Ophelia's POV

It's been a few days since Harry basically kicked me out, and I haven't seen him since.

I've been worried sick over him, texting and calling every night. I know I said I didn't want to be overbearing but he's making it really hard not to be, I just need to know he's okay. All of my phone calls go unanswered but he'll text me a simple 'I'm fine. I love you' every night. I know the first half of that message is a blatant lie.

I know him better than he knows himself.

I also know that he's been letting Niall come over, which gives me some peace of mind. At least he's not completely alone, and I'm happy that he's at least leaning on someone, but I can't help the unwarranted jealousy rise in me that he'll let Niall in but not me.

I know it's awful, that I'm jealous about that, but I can't fucking help it. I want to be the one to help him, he's my boyfriend, my person, and I love him.

I know he needs Niall but I just wish that he would need me too.

I wish I could be more mad at him, but my own experience with death doesn't allow me to. I get it, Niall knew Zayn so the only person he's letting in right now is the one person who can relate to his sadness in a way no one else can.

I get it, but it still stings.

I miss him so much. There literally isn't a second of my day when I'm not thinking about him, what he's doing, if he's sleeping enough, eating enough, grieving enough, and it makes me think of just how much the people around me probably worried about me when I was going through grieving my dad's death.

His distance from me hasn't stopped me from leaving food on his doorstep every night though, I at least want to know that he's eating. Every night I'll leave him lasagna or pesto chicken pasta, his two favourites, on his doorstep, before knocking on the door and running away. And every night when I come back to bring another dish, the clean empty dish from the night before is placed outside his door with a little sticky note that always compliments my cooking before ending with 'I love you Lia. H.xx'

Of course it stings that he only wants to communicate with me right now through my food and his nightly text, but it's better than nothing and I'll take anything I can get. He's grieving, he just needs time.

I'll let him come to me.

I also called Ava a few days ago. I finally brought myself to, knowing that it wasn't going to get any easier for her right now so I couldn't just sit around and wait for her to be okay.

The phone had felt like it rang for hours, the nerves in my body creeping up and jittering in my stomach as I waited for her to pick up. She finally did and hearing her voice on the other end cracked my heart into a million pieces.

"Hello?" She whispered. Her voice was hoarse, as if she hadn't stopped crying for days on end and all I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and hug all of her pain away. I couldn't even begin to imagine how she was feeling, being home and not having the comfort of Harry or Niall with her.

"Hi Ava." I quietly said, and all I heard was sniffles on her side, immediately letting me know that she had begun to cry again. "Lia, he's gone."

I didn't know what to say or how to comfort her or be there for her because doing all of that is so hard over the phone. I just wanted to fly to Boston and pull her into me and squeeze her tight, letting her know that everything will be alright.

But she didn't really need me. She needed Harry, and she didn't have him.

"I want Harry, Lia. I w-want my big brother. I'm all alone."