Do You Know Who You Are? (l.s.)

44

Louis Tomlinson

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I clap my hands on my thighs and turn my head to look at Harry with a dramatic attitude. I mean, come on... the man let me believe my friend died, and he just watched me lose my nerves because of it.

"You didn't let me Lou! You were screaming and all anxious, and... I couldn't think, you know." He doesn't look at me but stares at the road as we are making our way to the hospital.

"Yes and that was exactly because I thought I killed him."

"But you didn't! You didn't kill any of them Louis... and you were about to leave for no reason." I can feel a rest of fear in his voice and it breaks my heart to see him so worried about us. We shouldn't have doubts or fear in our relationship, it should just feel right and healthy. But it's not, because yeah, relationships are never easy. Don't tell me I said otherwise.

"No Harry, not again. We both know I did." I place my head on my hand with my elbow next to the window and exhale as my eyes leave Harry's beautiful face.

"Louis," His smile is wider than ever and he quickly looks at me. "It just can't be you. Believe me, you didn't hurt Liam or Phil or your mum or Julia... Or Sarah. You definitely have anxiety issues and this whole murderer thing hasn't helped, but you haven't killed anybody. I'm sure of that."

"And how can you be so sure?"

"Well because Liam's accident must have been planned by the murderer, you know. It can't be you." As he speaks he does this sexy thing with the wheel and parks the car right in front of the huge hopital.

"And why not? I mean, I got an attack yesterday." I watch his hand grab his keys and turn the ignition off before looking up and meeting his gaze.

"Yes, but you didn't leave the house."

"I could have left while you were sleeping." I don't have any control during my attacks, it wouldn't surprise me.

We stare at each other in the silence of the car as he answers with his low voice. "But you didn't."

"And why that?"

"Because I didn't sleep." His eyes are kind and sweet, it's like I'm falling again for him as he throws all his kindness on me. "I've watched you."

The silence in the car gets even heavier than it already was and his words give me confused feelings. First, because well, it's the sweetest thing someone ever did for me, and honestly I still can't understand what I did to deserve him. But at the same time I'm feeling so much sadness and shame. He shouldn't have to do that. He should get some rest and not have to check on me all night.

I have no idea what to say and we've been staring at each other for a while now. Right when I feel like he is about to break the moment and leave the car I lean towards him and simply connect my lips with his. I close my eyes and for an instant he doesn't kiss me back. I feel his hand grab my neck with his thumb resting right next to my ear. His hand is warm like his lips and our light kiss is so comforting but at the same time... it feels like it's our last one, there is no reason for it, it just feels like a goodbye. There is love in it, there is joy too but the trust I used to feel isn't here and it makes me straighten back. Our lips separate and I open my eyes to look at Harry.

When I meet his green eyes I see some tears right under them, Harry's face is so pale and the happiness it previously radiated isn't here anymore. The simple sight makes my heart stop, I frown and right before I can say anything Harry dries his cheeks with the back of his hand and stops looking at me. He turns around and grabs the handle of his door right before speaking. "We should go, Liam is waiting for us." His voice isn't cold but it isn't welcoming either. Ouch. I watch him open his door and step out of the car. He closes it and walks in front of the car without looking at me once.