Do You Know Who You Are? (l.s.)

27

Harry Styles

I'm so weak.

With the sound of my phone ringing for what seems the millionth time today I'm laying on my living room's floor waiting for my time to come. I've never felt so helpless especially because of love. I mean look at me... The man who never believed in love and used to reject everyone in his life just got rejected and can't live anymore.

I think I've been crying all day and if I'm not crying anymore it's only because water is now a stranger to my body. I don't remember falling on the floor or anything, no, I'm only thinking of the man who in a week changed my perception of life.

Life can be weird sometimes right? Like there is this person for each of us and it's not making sense because they have a power on us we can't explain or ignore, you know what I mean? Some of us won't meet them, it can seem sad but in reality it's better like that because once you meet them you can't get rid of them.

Of course it can be good but most of the time it just ends in a divorce, you find yourself with children and you have to take care of them alone. Yup, that's why it's better to never find them, it's too risky.

Let's say that I'm lucky then? Well it's more like I'm the luckiest of the unlucky ones. I met Louis, he is what we can call a soulmate but for some reason he doesn't love me. That's the unlucky part. But we didn't have time to get married, buy a house, join our money or have children and that's the lucky part if I may. He left, yeah but at least my life isn't fucked up because of that. Or is it?

I think I'm drunk.

I lift my upper body up to be seated on the cold floor. My sight is blurry and my head is spinning. The bottle I'm holding in my left hand is surprising me because I totally forgot I was holding it and -wow- it's almost empty.

I check the room around me to get some more information about my condition. I look around and when I was expecting something helpful like a clock or something I only understand that there is more than the alcohol in my veins.

On the table I see the way too familiar lines of drugs waiting for me. Oh Harry, you've never been like that. Well yeah you have but never alone, that's sadder than I thought.

The house is quiet now. Whoever was calling me must have understood how useless it was to call me right now. Anyway, I always thought I was strong but apparently answering a phone call is too much for me now, so I'm just done. God, I'm thinking too much. I need something more. I need Louis.

I can't have Louis so let's have a joint.

My brain doesn't proceed any of my movements until I finish rolling it and press it between my lips. Mixing drugs and alcohol isn't good and I know it but right now all I need is something strong enough to take my pain away, something stronger than what I feel for Louis and what I need to forget.

So, here I am, back on the floor with my back pressing on the hard ground. I woke up like this and I'll go to sleep like this or maybe die like this. Maybe that's what I need. The room is getting filled with smoke as I let the weed play with my brain. I feel bad. I'm here alone in the dark smoky room crying over a man I met less than two weeks ago, wow I never thought I would ever fall so low.

A loud noise echoes in my fucked up head but I don't realise what's happening until I hear a loud voice calling my name. Whoever it is they are hitting on the door like their life depends on it. "Harry! I know you're here, open the door mate!" The voice isn't Louis' so I don't care. I just close my eyes and try to picture the last memories I have of the man I felt for. I'll never see him again.

"Ok Harry, I'm coming in!" Oh! That's it I know this voice. It's Liam! I laugh loudly when I finally recognize the voice's identity, I have no idea what he just said but I'm sure it's funny. My short happiness disappears quickly when Louis' voice comes back from my memories.