Do You Know Who You Are? (l.s.)

31

"Loneliness is not a lack of company, loneliness is a lack of purpose." -Guillermo Maldonado

Louis was lonely, a lot may think it's because everyone around him died or because he rejected the ones that were there for him and left. But he wasn't lonely anymore. The friends and family he lost did not come back though. No, he wasn't lonely anymore because deep down he found the purpose he needed. And he was looking at him.

Harry is his purpose.

How could he ever be alone when the love he has for the tall man couldn't disappear? Death can be scary, it's for many people their worst fear. But Louis tried, yes, he tried to be afraid and get Harry out of his life for his sake. Harry next to him means Harry next to death and about to fall in its grip. Oh my... Losing Harry would be enough to make his heart stop beating, his lungs stop breathing and his eyes stop seeing. Losing Harry would be the end of his joy, his hopes and his love.

But the love he has for him is strong, it's powerful and brave, he can't escape it and whatever he does it will always come back to him, and it will probably be stronger than before. Because living without Harry was the worst reminder of the need that Louis has, to be with him, see him, talk to him, touch him. And he was here. He was here, in front of him. Louis didn't stop singing though. He couldn't breathe or speak but he could sing and it felt good, he wasn't thinking anymore, just standing on stage, mic in his shaky hand and staring at the beautiful man he was now singing for.

When Liam helped Harry when he was at his lowest he told him something he couldn't forget. Liam made Harry understand that Louis was complicated and he was determined to understand the puzzle he was. Because he needs him, he wants to help whatever fight Louis is going through and he won't give up so easily. So, he came to the wedding. During his journey to the love of his life, he, let's be honest, doubted. Was it a good idea? He doesn't know. Was Louis just confused? He hopes so. Will he die if Louis doesn't give him a chance? Probably. But was he worth the try? Yes. Of course, it's Louis Tomlinson. He is worth the world.

Louis and Harry nervously stare at each other. Louis is singing the last lyrics of his song as he discovers the Gucci suit resting on Harry's body, flowers and curls creating a picture Louis will never forget, and he wishes this instant could last forever. Harry listens to the song he knows Louis wrote when he was young and happy. He thinks of how he wishes he knew him at the time so he could have held him and kissed all the guilt he had away. A slow and warm tear scroll down his cheek, the black suit Louis is wearing is disappearing behind the emotional song he is singing and the hurtful thoughts Harry is having. He wishes this instant could last forever.

But it ends, people clap their hands all around the room when Harry understands Louis has been crying too, he goes down the stage and wipes tears away from his face with his hand. He doesn't look back at Harry, he wants to but it's painful, he wants to run to him and get one of those hugs he misses so much. Should he do it? Wouldn't it break all the hard work he did until now to get Harry safe and out of his life? Does he still want that?

He needs Harry but right now he replaces him by the need of being alone. The wood door towards the bathrooms isn't far and Louis quickly disappears from Harry's sight when he runs out of the crowded room. This lack of Louis in front of his eyes gives Harry a slight idea of what he would feel if he couldn't get him back, and God knows how it hurts. Did Harry have hopes Louis would run towards him? Yes. Was it stupid? Yes. Why would he run towards him after telling him how much his heart didn't belong to Harry and getting out of his life. It was his choice, and Harry has too much respect and love for Louis, he couldn't force him or worse... leave him.

So he stays still, his old tears are dry now and he can feel them when fresh air meets his face each time someone opens the door. First, a man gets out, probably to smoke his 10th cigarette of the day. Fresh air. Dry tears. And pain. Secondly, a woman with 2 young kids, they probably are too noisy and need to run on the grass a little. Fresh air. Dry tears. And pain. And thirdly Niall. He is entering the room after holding the door to the woman with the kids. What a gentleman.