Maybe Someday

DAY 001

For one year, I stayed at the hospital, hoping that I'll get healed. But the one year my life became a waste because I didn't get healed.

I'm doing the same routine every single day, but nothing changed. I have a lot of medicines and tests, but I never had chemotherapy because I don't want to. Still, I stayed here in the hospital to live more, but I'm still sick and I just ended up regretting staying here.

I took a peek outside at the door of my hospital room because it's been fifty minutes and dad is still not here. He promised to be back once he finished all of his works, but he's not here yet.

"We really did our best to treat her. But the medicines that we gave to her didn't work. She's—" The doctor didn't finish his statement because dad suddenly speak.

"I understand, doc. Maybe I should just give her the freedom that she always wants to have. I'll discharge her tomorrow, is that fine?" I close the door and lay down in the hospital bed.

Should I be happy because I'm finally getting discharged from this hospital? It's my decision to be discharged if I already stayed in the hospital for a year and I'm still not cured. Or should I be sad because I'm getting discharged not because I want it, but because the medicines didn't work for me?

The door opened and dad entered. I didn't greet him, I'm just waiting for him to tell me what is he was planning to do even though I already knew his plan.

"Do you want to be discharged? I remembered what you told me a year ago. You want to be discharged in the hospital when you're still not cured and it's already a year." I smiled. That's why I like about dad, he will really keep his promises. No doubt why mom fell in love with him.

"I want to go back to school." Dad stared at me for a minute. I know that he's against my decision, but he doesn't have any choice anyway. If he won't agree with my decision, I will just keep on persuading him every single day to let me go back to school.

"If that's what you want, then fine."

I missed my friends, even though I don't have a lot of friends. I also don't know if my friends miss me, but what's important is that I miss them so much. I want to see them again and interact with them. I'll just hope that we are going to be classmates.

Even though I stayed at the hospital for a year, I didn't stop studying. The teacher that dad hired for me kept coming here to the hospital to teach me. She gave me loads of homework and it's really hell because I don't have someone to help me.

"The truth is..." Dad smiled which makes me confused. "I already enrolled you in your previous school." That made me really happy. My friends are studying there and I want to be with them so that my remaining days won't be boring. I'm glad that dad didn't transfer me to another school.

"Thank you, dad." I pulled dad into a hug.

Dad helped me pack my things, which didn't take a lot of his time. I stayed here for a year but I didn't bring a lot here because I know that this day would come. I already expected that I am not going to be cured.

"Dad, can you buy me a diary?" Dad frowned, he's probably confused or something. "I just want to take down my remaining moments," I added.

It just randomly came to my mind. Probably because I want to write it down so that in the future, dad will be able to read it and he'll know that I'm really happy.

"Don't speak like that Shrynae. You won't die. You will live a long life with us." I just smiled. I didn't say that I'll die, he just misinterpret what I said. "But fine, if that's what you want." I pulled dad into a hug again.

There's something wrong with dad. He's spoiling me, not just now but also before. Since the day I'm here at the hospital, dad is spoiling me. He's giving me the things that I want, except for freedom. But I will finally have it now, so it's fine.

"You should take a rest Shrynae, you will be discharged tomorrow." I smiled at dad and closed my eyes. Until my eyes became heavy and I fell asleep.

The day that I will be discharged from the hospital arrived. I woke up with such a piece of good news.

"I miss being alive," I said as I step out of the hospital.

Finally, after a year, I will be able to live my life to the fullest. I'm not really sure about that because I'm going back to school, but I hope that I can live my life to the fullest.

Dad opened the passenger seat of the car for me, "let's go?" I gave my bag to dad before entering the car.

This feels great, but it feels new. It is because it's been a long time that I stayed in the hospital and I don't even know how to drive. But, nevermind.

Finally, I'm going home.

"It didn't change," I whisper when we arrived at our house.

I roamed my eyes around and it's still the same as what mom designed the house. She's the one who arranged all of this.

"It's because you're in the hospital and when I got off from work, I will immediately go to you. That's why I didn't have a chance to change the designs of the house. But before we came home, I already cleaned the house." Dad brings all my things to my room while I take a seat on the sofa.

"You asked for a diary right?" I look up and dad gave me a diary. He's being supportive to me again. "Here, write what should not be forgotten." I accepted the diary and thanked dad.

Even though I will write in my diary of what will happen to me every single day, it won't change the fact that I'm going to die soon.

***

Dear Diary,
I got discharged from the hospital. I really feel happy that I can finally live a normal life. What's sad is that I got discharged from the hospital and didn't get cured. Curing leukemia is near to impossible so I'm not going to hope. I heard that even my medicines are not working anymore. But anyway, I'm going to live a normal life at the school from now on. Hoping that I'll reach 100 days. Also, I received a diary notebook that is from dad. I'm hoping that maybe someday, dad will be able to read what's inside this.