Keep Me Closer

3rd: With Some Booze

I WENT HOME without even knowing the time. Maybe it was already 3 in the morning or 4 am? I don't know. Basta nang tumitig ako sa daan habang pauwi sa Livonia, madilim pa ang langit. Rhyl offered me a ride home, which I didn't really expect. Things that's happened in the grill was odd.

And it went somehow like this.

I should be catching up with Danica but the moment I stepped inside the grill, I caught a glance of him and at that same moment he met my gaze.

Tumaas ang isang kamay ko pagkatapos ay bumati.

"Rhyl." My attempt at calling his name was silenced when the music from the large speakers inside the grill went on-upbeat music started playing in the background.

My eyes wandered into the surroundings. Pero bumalik ulit ang paningin ko sa kanya. But he already stood up from his seat. Amid that mere seconds, while I was still looking at him, I thought he would be walking towards me.

I had imagined him flashing his familiar smile, his serious stares and his warm embrace. Akala ko nga napapikit na ako sa kinatatayuan pero wala akong naramdaman na lumapit.

Pero wala, tumalikod siya sa akin na parang hindi niya ako kilala o hindi nakita.

He walked towards the darkened alley of the grill-sa puwesto kung saan mas maraming tao at hindi gaanong marami ang ilaw. Kaya hindi sapat ang liwanag para makita ko ang nangyayari doon.

Kumawala ang malalim na buntonghininga ko. Something inside my heart tugged a bit. It wasn't a serious pain that had impacted me but it was enough to keep me standing in my spot staring at nothing particular, I couldn't even manage to move.

God, I saw him again. After years... I saw him again.

I clasped my hands and closed my eyes repeatedly, then I started walking towards the path Rhyl went a few minutes ago.

Only to see him dancing with a particular girl I used to know back then.

Dahil papalalim na ang gabi ay binuksan na ang iba pang mga ilaw sa loob ng grill. Hanggang sa nagsimula na ang mga itong maglikot. Halos hindi ko na nga makita ang mga mukha ng mga nakakasalubong ko, mas lumala pa iyon.

Paano ko mahahanap si Danica sa gitna ng dagat ng mga tao?

And so, I decided to pick a particular seat, then I ordered some drinks silently praying that Danica will be the one serving my orders. Kung hindi man ay sana man lang may mapagtanungan ako tungkol sa kanya.

But after two orders of drinks, I still couldn't muster up the courage to ask any server, it seemed that they were caught up with a lot of orders. Those seconds might be too vital for their work, ayokong masayang iyon dahil lang sa mga itatanong ko. And so, I realized maybe I should be waiting at my spot-siguro makikita ko si Danica kalaunan.

I drank to my heart's extent to the point that I had forgotten my sole purpose why I went to the grill.

Lumipas ang isang oras kanina at nakatungo na lang ako sa lamesa. I was mumbling encoherent words as I payed for the orders than slowly walked towards the exit. Several men had tried hitting on me while I drank alone. I still could mumble a cuss and tell them to fuck off and let me drink in peace. Pero nang maramdamang hindi ko na kaya pang makipang-usap nang matino, dahan-dahan akong tumayo sa puwesto at naglakad palabas.

Nang nasa gilid na ako kalsada at naghihintay ng taxi, I heard someone call my name and he caught up to me because I had hailed a taxi to ride home.

"Creslienna!"

I didn't say anything as I turned towards Rhyl.

"It's really you. You're here."

"Uh huh," I said then nodded my head.