Keep Me Closer

2nd: Catching Up

MY EYES SQUINTED toward the sight of the busy streets of Detroit, Michigan. Filling air inside my lungs became more like a breath to survive and thrive than just mere breathings-knowing that the life I had here in this country was more profound than what I had when I went to the Philippines to take care of my mother.

I crossed the streets and the smell of freshly brewed coffee from a distance lingered in my nostrils which initiated a crumble inside my stomach. The image of that familiar cuisine offered in a diner near our neighborhood flashed on my mind.

Ang alaala na iyon ay nasundan ng imahe ng kumpleto naming pamilya habang kumakain. Si Dad ay nagkukuwento habang malaki ang ngiti at natatawa pa sa gitna nang sinasabi. Matatawa si Mommy at tatakpan ang mga labi habang ako naman ay malaki ang ngiti habang nakamasid sa kanilang dalawa.

Sometimes the oldest memories are the good ones. It's sad to want these memories replaced. A wishful thinking maybe. 'Cause things are only valuable and beautiful when it's already over. Kung ano o sino ang nawala o tapos na, sila pa iyong hinahanap-hanap pero sakit lang ang dala kasi hindi na kailanman maibabalik.

Kaya walang nagagandahan sa nangyayari sa kasalukuyan, dahil hindi pa mahalaga sa mata ng lahat.

Wala gaanong nagbago rito simula noong umalis ako papuntang Pilipinas ilang taon na ang lumipas. I had the chance to come back here, last year... pero hindi ako nagpakita sa kung sinong kakilala. Hindi rin ako nakadaan sa mismong lugar na 'to dahil agad akong nagpunta sa apartment ni Avie sa Livonia, a western suburb of Detroit, which is still miles away.

Namasukan ako bilang server crew sa isang bistro malapit sa apartment sa Livonia. The work load was tough, yet it was kinda fun. I liked it.

Matapos ang apat na araw umuwi din ako agad.

That time, I didn't think of going back to this place for real. Kahit pa marami akong dapat asahan-siguro-gusto kong isipin na gano'n.

Meeting my old friends. Seeing them again achieving the things they had only dreamed of back then. And... seeing Rhyl again after years of being away, gone was everything that's happened between us.

Siya...

Ang dahilan kung bakit may lakas ng loob pa akong bumalik.

All I know is that we didn't even end what we had. We just kinda sort of drifted paths away from each other. Noong sinabi ko sa kanyang aalis ako, we just let things be because it had to.

We were only turning nineteen back then... too young to risk for a love that's not even certain. But not too young to have fun and experience all the crazy things we could do together.

We tried different things: skateboarding in Detroit's most famous skateboarding spots, drinking beer in the pub with our friends... vandalizing walls in our neighborhood. I only did it because I had thought the area was already abandoned by the owners, turned out they're selling it at a high price. And there's no way it'd be an idle spot at all. I kind of regret that stunt up to this day.

Nanubig agad ang mga mata ko kaya hindi ko na maituloy ang pag-alala.

I composed myself.

Hindi ko maitago ang ngiti lalo na nang maaninag ang kaibigan kong si Danica sa loob ng pinagtatrabahuan naming store noon.

I stood in front of a pub or somehow a grill where people could hang out and have drinks with their friends as they savored their weekends.

The lights on the pub's name weren't lit at the moment but as soon as the sun sulks on the horizon, bright lights will illuminate the front space, and everyone will stack up inside and they'd enjoy the night together: drinking and having so much fun!