My Idol, My Muse | Jendragon

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28

June, 2017

~ Ji Yong ~

---Ji Yong, don't you think it's time to sleep a bit?--- Mr. Kim asks, I notice how exhausted he is ---Oh, yes, I'm almost done, you can go now, I'll finish this right away, I'll go to bed---
---Ok, remember that tomorrow is the meeting with the tour design team---
---Yes, I know, I'll be there early---
Mr. Kim leaves and I am alone again. Every time loneliness catches up with me, in those few moments when I allow myself not to think about work, I am grateful that precious memories come to mind. I have not called her again and she has not called me, except for some text messages to find out how she is, we have not had more contact. All this time that I have been away from Jen has made me go through our story dozens of times in my head. Our cycle of encounters and separations, the times I hurt her, the times she made me feel like an idiot, the times I asked for forgiveness ... the forgiveness she never gave me, all in the end has been part of a complicated history of which without doubts I'm glad.

I never really dedicated anything to her, I just took without appreciating everything she gave me, and despite being the one who was always wrong, she kept the doors open for me. I wrap a small letter in a red envelope and seal it. This is my gift to her ...

~ Jennie ~

"I left something for you in the mailbox of your apartment, make sure nobody sees it but you" When I read this from my cell phone screen my heart was racing. I haven't received anything from this number for months, I haven't seen him for months ...

I shoot towards the mailbox in search of what it says.
--- Unnie !! Where are you going? --- Lisa yells at me as she walks towards the door --- Now I'm coming, I'm just going to get something ---
--- Unnie !! You're going to miss the premiere of Kwon Ji Yong-oppa video… !! --- Lisa's voice grows distant as I walk away.

Upon arrival I see a red envelope with a written J, his favorite color and my initial, of course this is it. I take it and go back up to the apartment. I walk in and go to the room. --- Unnie !! Start in five minutes you will miss it !! ---
---Lisa-ya !! I'm coming, wait a minute---

I open the envelope and start reading ...

I hope that when I leave, these words accompany you and make me travel back to you.

That you come back with me
It's hard for you, I know
To be hurt again
You're scared of it, I know
Even the day you left me, I made you cry with my harsh words
I regret taking a step back, sorry
If I can see you just one more time
It'll be alright if I lose all of me
I would like to find you even in a dream and love you again like it used to be
It seems to be easier to die than to be forgiven by you
I sing this song, not knowing if my sincerity will reach you
I hope you're happy, I can't even tell that simple lie
I just hope you come back, sorry
Now is the last time, is the end,
I can't believe your heart is saying it
I can't let you go because you never know
What you feel for me and what I feel for you,
There will never be another love like ours
Nobody knows, we always know
If this time passes and I can forget everything,
All the memories and happy moments
No, actually, we would meet in another life and I would love you again
Just like before

When I finish reading Ji Yong's letter I hear a melody coming from the living room, it is strange, it is the same words that I just read, I leave the room and look at the TV screen, Oppa did not send me a farewell letter, he ... he just gave me a song ...

• Author's Note: The song is nothing more than G-Dragon's "Untitled 2014" released in June 2017 •
1988 + 18 + 8 (date of birth) = 2014 therefore Untitled 2014 refers to GD itself