My Idol, My Muse | Jendragon

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~ Jennie ~

--- Ji Yong, are you going to stand there at the door? --- Teddy asks, Jisoo looks at me and begins to hit me with his elbow to get my attention but my gaze is still fixed on him, I just said I didn't want to see his face and he's just showing up here now and he must have heard everything I said, that's why he's not able to look at me ... even though his expression makes me feel bad I don't care, I think he's getting what he deserves.

--- Ji Yong oppa !! Come in, don't feel uncomfortable --- I tell him, since he has come this far, I'm not going to miss the opportunity to know exactly what I am to him --- Oh ... yes, of course --- He enters and sit next to Teddy in front of the monitor.
--- Aren't you supposed to be in Shanghai now? BIGBANG still has a show to give--- I ask him, I feel that it bothers him that I speak to him with indifference, he settles in the seat, it shows that he is anxious. --- I ...  I had something important to do here in Seoul --- he answers and looks down at the ground.
--- And have you already done it? --- Ask Teddy now --- No, I was late I think it no longer makes sense, tomorrow I'll leave again at first in the morning --- I notice a disappointment in his voice and I can't avoid feeling bad, was it just that? Have he already given up? Isn't he really going to try to talk to me? I feel even more annoyed with him right now.

The meeting ends and everyone leaves the study except for me who still can't get used to wearing the amulets to walk, I see Ji Yong walk through the door without saying a word and leave while I remain seated. I reach for my phone and call him, even from where he is it can hear his cell phone ringing, he takes time to answer until I finally hear his voice.
--- You said very clearly that you did not want to see my face anymore --- is the first thing he says when he picks up the call
--- So ... then did you hear it all? ---
--- I don't know if it was all ... but it was enough to know that I don't do anything there ---
--- So are you leaving? So fast? ---
--- I only do what you want, get out of your sight at once ---
---Well!! Do the usual !! Coward !! --- After those words I hang up and put my hands to my face to let out my frustration, I feel a noise and someone enters and locks the door. It's Ji Yong
--- Don't ever call me like that again Jennie Kim ---
--- I ... I'm sorry I am very confused and angry with you, there are too many things at once --- Tears begin to come out while he is standing in front of me --- I can't understand you! At one point I mean everything to you, but then you go and get tangled up with that girl. I ... I only manage to feel stupid because even though we made no promises, the feeling that you betrayed me does not go out of my head --- I pause and take the courage to continue
---What am I to you?---

~ Ji Yong ~

Coward ... that word is repeated over and over again. My blood boils and I turn toward the study. As I walk through the door and see her sitting with the bandages on her ankle, and the amulets leaning against the wall while her hands cover her crying face, I realize that I am a coward ...

--- What am I to you? --- Was his question.
I walk over and crouch down to be level with her face. With my hands I lift her chin to look at me and wipe the tears from her face. I hate myself for making her like this.

--- Look at me Jen, don't cry for me, I don't deserve it, it's true what you say, I'm a coward. I also feel that I betrayed you, only after what happened is that I realized that in addition to betraying you, I was betraying myself. I don't feel anything for that girl, it's true that things did happen ...--- When I said this, her tears came back
--- No Jen, please don't cry, god I feel like trash. I'm so sorry, really, please forgive me. You wondered what you are to me. You are the best I have, with you is where I only feel that my company matters, that the real me can come to light, I got lost again but I found my way here by myself.

~ Jennie ~

---So do you think you can forgive me?---
--- I ... there is nothing to forgive oppa. In the end you will leave again and I will be here on my own. We will continue in the same situation, now I understood. Forgiveness is something that is given to who will be by your side but it is not the case.
--- Jen ... what do you want to tell me? So you won't see me anymore? --- Ji Yong asks confused
I dry my tears and sit up --- I did not say that, by the contrary, I hope to see each other again, let's take this somewhere else, I love you, you love me, but we cannot commit to anything, while that lasts, let's just live in the moment---
That way I take control, I won't go wrong out of this again.
---What do you say then about living in the moment tonight?--- Ji Yong asks with a mischievous smile on his face.
--- Yes, of course ... I don't see why not ---