My Idol, My Muse | Jendragon

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33

January, 2019

~ Jennie ~

Kai answer please... Nerves invade me as I try to call his phone but he doesn't answer no matter how much I insist. This can't be happening to me, why are people like this? Why do they have to stick their noses in everything I do or don't do? Why can't they just let me live my life in peace?

--- Jennie-ah, your manager is here, they have canceled all the activities today, the YG building is surrounded by journalists waiting for a statement, what do you think the company will say about it? --- Jisoo asks worried
--- I don't know, but I already communicated with them and I have asked that they deny everything, I don't want to make a media show of my life, it's my personal life, I don't want anyone to know, I don't want ... To my mind Oppa's image comes, I… I don't want him to know, but why? Why at this moment I have that concern ...

My phone rings, finally !! It's Kai !!
--- Kai !! At last you call me, listen to me, deny everything, I do not want you to accept anything, this can be harmful for me and for the girls ---
--- I ... I'll see what I can do pretty --- he answers me and then just hangs up like that.

What is it supposed to mean that he will see what to do ... I told him very clearly that I do not want it to come to light, He should have said yes, He should have accepted my conditions just like ... him ... why is he coming back to my mind at this moment?

--- Jennie, bad news --- My manager tells me with his cell phone still in hand --- Kai's agency has confirmed everything, we will make the statement soon, we are no longer in a position to deny anything ---

Confirmed… why confirmed? I still do not accept the news, this did not have to be happening, I should not have continued with this story, why do I have to see myself exposed in this way, I do not even dare to check my social networks, I imagine that the wave of hate that I am receiving now it is much larger than usual. Why does the world have to know what I am trying to hide, and finally, why does he have to know at this way.

~ Ji Yong ~

Watching the news on the TV in the common room I can only think if it would have been different if I had asked her to wait for me, I thought she could feel it even if I didn't say it in words, I thought my gaze was enough for her to understand how I felt, how I feel ...

It seems that there is no turning back, Jen moved on without me, I do not blame her but I can not forgive her, while I am locked here thinking about her every damn day, she goes out with someone else, my confession, my parting gift to her , it was not enough ... As I said in that letter a while ago

I hope you're happy, I can't even tell that simple lie

~ Jennie ~

Kai's car finally arrives and I get into it in a hurry --- Let's go to a quiet place, I need to talk to you --- I tell him as he drives away
--- I missed you pretty, I wanted to see you, now that everyone knows we can see each other more often, don't you think? ---
--- No, this is the last time ---
--- What? !! --- he stops the car and turns to me --- Like last time? ---
--- None of this makes sense and it will not do us any good Kai, it is for both of us ---
--- How do you say it doesn't make sense? It always made sense to me! That's why I told the truth in my company Jennie, that way the two of us don't have to hide from anyone --- I don't believe what I just heard
---Wait, what?! Kai I asked you to hide it and are you telling me that you just admitted ?! You know that not only suits you! You should have respected my decision, how dare you to do that? Do you know everything I've been through and the hatred I've received for your action ?! Oppa would never do such a thing ... ---

--- What? !! --- Oh ... no ... those words came out loud. Kai looks at me insulted, his expression has completely changed, he doesn't have that seductive look.
--- Oppa? Who are you talking about Jennie ?! It's not the first time you've mentioned that, I let it slide before but now I don't think it's a coincidence. Answer !! ---
---Nothing! Kai is nothing ... --- I lie and my voice trembles
--- Don't lie to me Jennie !! Who is that oppa answers !! --- Kai yells at me while he shakes me by the shoulders, he is very angry
--- Nobody I said !! Let me go--- He looks me straight in the eye before releasing me
--- You know what Jennie, I don't believe you ... I don't know anything anymore, I came here thinking that from now on we would have an easier life, that we would see each other without hiding ... but I find that for some reason you don't want anyone to know anything. I'm not sure anymore if it's for the good of your group, for my good, or because you don't want someone else to know. I see clearly in your eyes that you lie now, are you going to continue to affirm that nothing happens? ---

I remain silent, I am not able to answer him, I never wanted to do hurt him, deep down he is right, it was my mistake, but despite everything there is something that is clear to me, I do not regret the time we spent together. I would do everything again.

--- Goodbye Kai ... --- was the last thing I said to him as he move away in his car after leaving me in my building, before closing the door I could see something shiny on his cheek, I… I'm sorry.