I've Changed

prologue

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My life used to be full of sunshine and rainbows but then it all fell apart into darkness.

I had spent my whole life valuing the ability to care for and be compassionate with others. I figured that if I showed the same kindness to the rest of the world, I'd eventually find the happiness that everyone seemed to have.

But my life threw that fairy tale bullshit out the window. Especially after the one time I disobeyed my instincts—a long time ago.

I sank deeper and deeper into the abyss, with no one to save me.

I was under the impression that I had to fight my inner demons alone. I had to suffer because I deserved it. And I did; I endured my own consequences.

Until someone told me that I didn't have to face my problems alone. I had people who genuinely cared for and loved me. To no one's surprise, I believed them.

I was able to find the light once more. Slowly, I began to emerge from the darkness. I was capable of finding this hope.

It wasn't easy.

The universe was extremely complex. It included significant possibilities that we—humans—are unable to comprehend. But why would we rely on something that we didn't know?

I once wished upon a shooting star but the universe let me down—this wasn't my first. I wasn't shocked from the betrayal in my life because I had accustomed myself to be deceived and hurt.

I had put so many people first, yet they had always stabbed me in the back. I had trusted those close to me, yet they had always taken advantage of it. Honestly, I was not upset at them or worse, myself. It was something that I had grown used to.

The universe wanted to take everything away from me until I found the light. It began to suffocate the desire I had clung to. I started to sink back into the nothingness. I reached the point where I feel empty, numb...alone in the dark.

I feel...dead.

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