Double Trouble // Neymar Jr //

..Fourty-Three..Simmering..

"There they are in great fear,

For God is with the generation of the righteous."

-Psalm 14:5

God bless and may He protect you all! May He be with you and dwell in you. Jesus loves you! God is Good! God is Love.

I sobbed.

I cried.

Hard.

I couldn't pretend like I was okay while he was like this. Because my own brother, my own flesh and blood; my twin tried to take his own life.

Yeah, he tried.

I sobbed harder at the thought of what if I hadn't gone over to his apartment that day? Would he still be alive? Would he be okay?

How broken would I be?

I sobbed in Neymar's training room, after coming back after picking up Davi with him. Neymar was unnerved about something but I was too inconsolable to react or even ask. Davi knew I was going to cry, so he told me that I should to Neymar's training room.

"That's where I go to cry." The three year old said to me.

So I took his advice, and I wept there, but quietly. In a hunched position, with my knees pulled up to my chest. I didn't know he was that unhappy, but it would get better. I prayed on it.

I had to trust God.

He would make a way.

Tears rolled freely down my cheeks and I made a crying noise. I didn't bother to wipe my tears, but I stared straight ahead into the many mirrors. I didn't know that it would get to that point in which he was tired. That tired.

I found out cause he told me on the phone that he was going to do something that day that he would have regretted. After some pushing, I find out that he was going to take his own life. That unhinged me, and I finally broke down in Neymar's training room.

He said he didn't try but he was thinking about it and had it all planned because he said he nobody but me. I didn't understand why he said "but you..." but he just did. Andrew had love from a lot of people, including our family, but he didn't realize it.

I sat on the ground, and I wanted to go back to Leo's house, because this was the week before I was hopefully moving in with two teammates, and I loved Leo's house. So I got up, and I stood to my feet, walking out of the training room and walking into one of the many bathrooms. I splashed cold water on my face and took a deep breath.

I went to the media room since Neymar basically stayed there all the time, and I pulled my hair into a ponytail. "I'm gonna go." I said to him, and Davi was sitting on his lap. Neymar turned around and looked at me with a confused expression.

"So soon amor?" he asked me. "It's only 5, are you sure?" Davi was staring at me with an unexplainable look of deep thought.

"Yeah I am." I sighed, and Davi continued to study my face.

"I'll drop you off and Davi can stay with Tali or Marcela." Neymar offered quickly, and I shook my head.

"No thank you, I'll get a cab." I shook my head, and his eyebrows furrowed. "I need to be...by myself for a few minutes. " Nobody knew that Andrew was planning to...do what he wanted to...except my sister and my mãe. I had no choice but to tell them.

"Let me drop you off." Neymar said to me, and Davi put his hands on his dad's chest, shaking his head.

"Let her." he pouted, and Neymar looked at his son.