Honey Tea & Redvelt

36

My dear Honey Tea,

                                       Its me jungkook. I still don't know what to say. This is my first time writing a letter. Is it romantic? I'm not writing a letter so that you would be impressed by it, I'm writing it because I can't look at you when you are in pain and especially when I had caused it.

I'll start off by saying that I'm truly sorry for what I did. The video that you saw, of me telling that I don't love you, it was True. At that point I was still questioning my feelings and I didn't know what love was. Maybe somewhere deep down I knew I was in love with you but I couldn't accept it.

I didn't use you for your body, but it was for a selfish reason, I wanted to be with you, cause all my life I felt suffocated and I was able to truly breathe only when I was with you. I needed you for my happiness, you made me happy. I was too much of a coward to accept the fact that I was falling in love with you all along.

You asked me once, 'why was I so afraid to fall in love?' to answer that, I was scared of heartbreak. I mean love and heartbreak go hand in hand. I didn't want to depend on someone else, which would later break my heart someday. 

But I didn't know me protecting my heart would break yours. 

Maybe I thought that no one could actually love me for who I am. 

I wasn't always like this, there was a time when I actually believed in love, hoped that someday I will find someone to love and protect just like my dad loved my mom. They were perfect, but one day, out of nowhere my dad stopped loving my mom. Broke her heart.

I realized that fairytales doesn't exist.I believed it. I was more than okay with being alone for the rest of my life. I didn't mind being single, until I met you.

The first time we talked, at the party, you smiled at me and I couldn't think straight for the day. It was unforgettable. I felt something but I was too scared of it. 

Being here without you is like I'm waking up to only half a blue sky, kind of there but not quite I'm half a heart without you.

I realized. I am so truly, madly and deeply in love with you. 

I want us to move on from the past. I  will make you feel better even though I wasn't a good  to you before.

I feel so guilty. You were ready to love me when even I wasn't ready to love myself. You did a lot of things to me even though I wasn't able to reciprocate it. 

If my name never fell off your lips again, I know it'd be such a shame
When I take a look at my life and all of my crimes, you're the only thing that I think I got I right.

You deserve someone way better than me, but I can't be without you. So, please consider me. If you will allow me, I'm ready to love you, I wanna hold your hand while we are growing up.

So, please. Let's fall in love one more time.

p.s this letter was probably shitty.

          -Yours truly

Jungkook.