The Lawyer

11-The things I can't have

Sophie POV

Speaking to Maddie and Lili has helped to lessen the betrayal I felt from Venice. They genuinely don't seem to know what was happening and their friendship was real. I am still cautious though only sharing the French burner phone number with Maddie, I am yet to give Lili any number at all.

After getting our nails done Maddie takes me to a cute bistro for lunch, I had no idea how hard eating out while pregnant is! As well as avoiding the obvious limiting caffeine and not drinking alcohol, Apparently I must also avoid pate and soft cheeses like brie, and undercooked eggs or meat. (What a time to visit France.)

The, no liver or sushi rule is the only part I won't have a problem with. I hate liver as much as I hate fish. Maddie is still translating the menu for me like the awesome person she is, when her phone starts ringing in her bag. Pulling it out she frowns at the number displayed across the screen before answering it with a cautious

"Allo?"

I don't know what he's saying but I can hear that it's Matt. My heart stops in my chest and my stomach simultaneously does a barrel roll. I hear him say my name, and my heart starts pounding, harder to make up for it's pause. It almost feels like it is inside my head, throbbing against my ears.

Maddie looks at me guiltily and makes to pass me the phone, I told her I wasn't ready. But I also told her he didn't return my call. What exactly was my plan if he had? I shake my head furiously, my vision becoming blurred as I try to hold back anxious tears. Maddie gives my hand a gentle squeeze, wordlessly offering me her support. It's just a phone, He can't get to me through a phone I tell myself.

I don't want Maddie to get in trouble with him for being with me, I can do this for her. It's just a phone. Just a phone. I can hang up. I keep telling myself as I take the phone and put it to my ear.

"Mr Canossa?" I say quietly, letting him know I am on the line.

"Oh my god Sophie. Do you know how long I have been looking for you? I was so worried." his voice comes through sounding choked up, almost like he's crying. I suspect it's actually a result of him suffering from a bad hangover, I don't know what to say so I remain silent. Do I know how long he was looking? Yes of course I do, the same amount of time I have been hiding. Do I care that he was worried about his secret? Not at all.

Does part of me wish me meant he was worried about me because he cared about me? Yes, it's the same part of me that has shivers running down my spine at the sound of his deep voice. The part that wants him to scoop me up in his arms and tell me it was all a big misunderstanding, somehow I got it all wrong and he wants to be there for me and the baby. It's the naïve part that got me into this mess in the first place. I really hate that part of me right now.

I give myself an internal scolding reminding myself why I can't have those things. It's the same reason I can't have undercooked meat and soft cheeses, because somebody could end up hurt.

"Sophie, did you really write? I never got it. I'm coming to you so we can talk. I need to explain" I can only assume Lili is there and that is why he needs to put on this act.
"Please don't," I say quietly. Giving him his out.

"Sophie please." he begs sounding desperate. I bet Mr Thornton sounded desperate begging for his life, I think with a painful pang in my chest. As I remember him.

I have been so wrapped up in thoughts of this pregnancy and protecting myself I have selfishly pushed Mr Thornton to the back of my mind, but here he is forming that painful lump in my throat again making it so that I can't speak without the threat of tears. The silence seems to stretch on, a game of chicken where neither of us wants to make the first move, neither speaking or ending the call.

"Sophie? Is it my baby?" He asks quietly, breaking the silence first. I never wanted this phone call. Never imagined this is how I would break the news, tracking says he got the letter though so he already knows. Maddie helped me check after our call with Lili. So him asking is just for show.

"Yes" I reply simply. The silence that follows is almost palpable. In that moment only Matt and I exist, the hustle and bustle of the bistro are muted around me.

"Sophie I'm on my way, please just wait there for me." Again he breaks the silence first

"I'm sorry, I can't" I say, fighting the tears threatening to flow and avoiding Maddie's questioning look as I end the call.

"Are you ok?" Maddie asks, I nod in response.

"Just still mad at him," I admit, "I need to... Powder my nose" I excuse myself, gesturing my face as I stand to use the ladies room. Maddie accepts this, once I am alone in the ladies room I let my tears fall freely. Stupid hormones, hearing his voice after all this time I desperately want to see him, but the other part of me is screaming in my head how dangerous that could be.

I weigh up my options, pacing the floor, would he really come here? They said his family has a yacht, do they have a plane? They could just make me disappear... It's best if I leave, I can always call him again, when I'm less emotional and have a plan to stay safe. If he's on his way do I have much time?

I look out the ladies room door. Maddie is sitting with her back to me, I feel a little guilty as I casually walk out the restaurant door. Calling Eddy to ask him to meet me back at the hotel and switching off the French mobile before slipping it back into my bag.

A/N

I know different countries have different recommendations for foods pregnant people can or can't eat, As Sophie is English this story uses the UK recommendations.