Through The Storm

41

Estella

I wake up, unable to remember when I finally fell asleep last night. I turn to check the clock, it's already after noon. How did I sleep so long? I hear noise from downstairs and I'm contemplating whether to go down there. I know I have to at some point, but it's so much easier to avoid it.

Knowing Cade is down there, and my sister too; I just don't think I can face them both. Not after last night. Did he really mean what he said?

"It was never fake."

That sentence has repeated over and over in my mind since he said it. The words acting as a tsunami and flooding all thoughts, leaving no room for any others. How could he do this? How could he say something so damaging? He has to know how bad this will turn things, how ruined everything is. As if it wasn't already...

I honestly don't remember much of last night, I remember drinking and being at a club, I remember Cade showing up. I remember the phone call, unfortunately— definitely not my best moment. And I remember the kissing, and the way he avoided my question when I first asked if it was real.

How could a few words mean so much and have such an affect on me? I'm allowing this man to invade my thoughts and consume my entire existence. I know what I should do right now, I know that i should go down there and stand my ground. I know that I should pay attention to the awful things he's done and forget my feelings for him. I know I should. But when someone who finally makes you feel alive comes into your life, how do you do the exact opposite of what feels right?

"Stell!" My mom calls up to me. Wonderful. "Come down here please!" I know I can't ignore her forever. And I need to see my sister at some point and confront this. So I do the only thing I can do right now, I brace for impact and I stand from my bed. I walk slowly to the stairs, stopping at them and pondering my whole life. Can't I just run away? Maybe go to another country and fall in love?
"You coming?" I hear Jules yell. No I guess I cant.

When I reach the bottom of the steps I'm shocked and honestly scared to see the couch empty. There's no bags, no blankets on it, it's been cleaned off. Did Cade clean up? That would be incredible, maybe he's trying to show me he can be better. Maybe he's proving his sentence last night, maybe he does want me.

"Where's Cade?" I turn to my sister and ask.

"Stell, he left." She throws on a frown and if I weren't standing so close to her, I might've believed she was actually sad. I might've believed she actually cared.

"What do you mean? It's only Thursday, we don't go back to Texas until Sunday." I ramble on as I try to accurately explain to myself why he would leave early. Unless it's the opposite if what I thought.

He didn't want to better himself or show me he cares. He wants me to leave him alone, he's done with me. Those words last night meant nothing. Suddenly my mind flashes back to the bags that had been in the back of his truck when he got me last night. He'd been planning this. He wasn't at a meeting or a strip club, he went and packed his bags.

Everything suddenly comes together. He came and got me last night knowing he would just be dropping me off at home before dipping. He kissed me knowing it would mean nothing to him and everything to me. He said those words as if they had no meaning. No, he said those words because they had meaning. He said them to further his game, his plan all along. He said them to make me think I was anything more than his play toy.

"Estella??" Jules snaps in my face pulling me from my spiral. I hadn't realized she was still talking.

"Why did he leave? Did he say something to you?" My mind was spitting thoughts at me faster than I could handle them. My heart racing, and my chest heaving up and down as heavy as humanly possible. "What did you do?" I question.

"What? I didn't do anything. He left a note on the counter for you. Didn't say much-" she read it?

"You read it? What the hell?" My eyes were searching her for any ounce of care. Any chance that she could be a decent human.

"I thought it might say something about me." She looks to the ground. Did she actually have a thing for him?

"Why would it say anything pertaining to you?"

"We had that kiss and I don't know, I thought maybe he opened his eyes and was going after me." Her voice is soft, she's not trying to hurt me. I think she may actually care for him. But either way, he's off limits- and now he's gone.

"I have to go read it." I say somberly in realization before walking to the kitchen and grabbing the opened letter.

Estella,
I've gone back on business, please don't follow me. I'm sorry for what I said last night, but we need to forget it. When you come back to Houston, I'll have a meeting set up and we can work out the job aspect.
- Cade

What the fuck? He's gone back on business, why is he all formal now? Why couldn't he just text me? What the hell was the point of a whole note? And is he sorry he said it, or is he sorry he meant it? Did he mean it? The questions are nonstop, constant nonsense spewing around my head. I'm messed up. And it's Cades fault.

The shaking I've become all too familiar with starts. My fingers tremble as I feel tears prick the back of my eyes. And the swarming thoughts come together to agree on one things.

You mean nothing.

They remind me. There's no stopping it this time. My favorite book said it best; pain demands to be felt.

~~

[ hi super small update because I'm splitting the chapter into two updates so that you guys aren't too long without one. Also guess which book I'm quoting!!

I am so so sorry it's been so long, my life has been insane recently and I'm trying to find the time to write. I'm honestly getting disappointed in the story, but I still plan to have another 20 chapters or so before it ends.

Thanks so much for reading and voting! I could never have dreamed of having 7k reads!! Little me would be so proud right now🥺

Much love! <3 ]