Where the Wind Blows

Kabanata 33

Kabanata 33

We are sitting on the mini stairs of the grotto that is located at the back part of the mansion. Dito ko na muna ninais palipasin ang oras dahil ayokong pumasok sa bahay at makita ng mga katulong kung gaano ako kawasak ngayon. Malayo-layo din ito sa bahay kaya kung may makakita man sa amin ay hindi nila aakalain na punong-puno ng tuyong luha ang aking namumulang pisngi.

I am looking at my lap with my hands clenched above it when I felt the warmth of Nathan's hand on it.

I didn't move. Patuloy pa ring nakapako ang aking tingin sa aking kandungan, pinipigilan ang aking mga luha na tumulo muli.

His hands left mine and it moves to my cheek and caress it gently before he gently thrust my head up for me to meet his soulful eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked with concern in his voice that is like a blanket that wraps my heart.

I move my face away from him and stared at the distance without answering his question. Gusto ko sanang mapag-isa pero wala rin naman akong lakas upang magsalita at paalisin siya. I also don't want him to take it the negative way.

Kahit anong pigil ko ay patuloy pa ring umaagos sa akin ang sakit ng nakaraan. Maybe I can never fully let go. I will never free myself from my painful past. I may seem to be better than what I am before yet I still think that I am not. I wasn't fully healed. Pinipili ko na lamang patatagin ang panlabas kong kaanyuan dahil iyon naman talaga ang nararapat kahit pa durog na durog pa rin ako.

"Lia, hindi ko maintindihan. You were perfectly fine earlier. Ang akala ko nga ay magtatagal ka pa sa site, kung hindi lang ako sinabihan ni Mikayla ay hindi ko malalaman na umalis ka na pala. Ano ba talagang nangyari? May sinabi ba si Mikayla na nakapagpa-upset sa'yo?"

I tried my best to look at him and show him a smile in order for him not to ask more because I don't know how long I can still hold in my emotions inside of me.

"Nothing," I simply replied, hoping that he won't pry more.

Tiningnan niya lamang ako nang mataimtim na para bang pinag-aaralan niya ang aking mukha. I averted my gaze from him, afraid that he might see right through me, and the truth might unravel why I am behaving this way. 

"Don't you trust me enough for you to confide your feelings with?" he asked in a serious tone but I chose to shut my mouth.

I don't think I can talk about this feeling of mine to anyone especially with him. Ang gusto ko na lamang ay magpahinga at umasang kinabukasan ay mawawala na itong sakit kahit alam ko na malabong mangyari iyon.

"Right." He laughed without any humor in it. "Sorry. I forgot."

Sa pagkakataong ito ay napatingin akong muli sa kanya na nakakunot na ang aking noo hanggang sa unti-unti iyong nawala dahil sa nakita kong emosyon ng kanyang mukha. He might be smiling at me but his eyes told me otherwise.

Binawi ko ang tingin sa kanya at tumayo upang makalayo na sa kanya. Hindi ko kayang titigan pa ang kanyang mga mata na parang may mga nais sabihin sa akin. Mga matang nangungusap,  mga matang punong-puno ng iba't ibang emosyon.

Those dark orbs were too much for me.

"Una na ako," hindi ko nakatinging wika sa kanya at akmang ako'y maglalakad na nang maramdamdaman ko ang kanyang magaspang na kamay na pumulupot sa aking palapulsuhan.

I looked at it, didn't know why I am not doing anything to break free from his rigorous grip.

"I am not going to let you go this time," he said with conviction.

My eyes travelled from my wrist to his face that is intently looking at me. Nagbuntong-hininga naman ako at umupong muli sa kanyang tabi. Medyo pumula pa ang aking palapulsuhan. Hindi naman iyon masakit kaya hindi ko na lamang pinansin.