KRISTY The shit also happens to the stars

The accident

Standing in front of the mirror, I stare at myself!  I only wear a white cotton bra-briefs set.  You can see my sanitary napkin through the fabric.  It has been three weeks since I had the abortion but I still have a few losses.  I had pain during the first days, today it has completely disappeared.
Heart pain is a whole different story.  Hands on my stomach, I'm disgusted!  I want to smash the mirror with my head.  I start screaming with all my might.  My eyes are red and swollen from the tears I have been shedding for the past three weeks.  I want to break everything!  I grab whatever falls on my hand and throw them against the wall.
At the end of my strength, I fall to my knees on the carpet in the bedroom.
Yesterday I went to my gynecologist to check that I was healing properly.  She made an appointment for me with one of the psychologists at the clinic.  According to her, I am in depression!  I also had the results of the tests done on the fetus.  No mistake!  The baby did have heart disease with major heart failure.  He had died four days before the ultrasound.

Angel, that's what I called my son.  I absolutely wanted to know if it was a girl or a boy.  I wanted her existence to be real and recognized, to give her a first name like every child who comes into the world.  Angel, you are my angel forever!  I couldn't forget you, every day that God made, I would think of you.  Every step I take will be for you!

Hailey has canceled the shoot which was due to take place next month.  I am not ready to resume filming.  I want to be quiet, alone at home!  My family complains that they have difficulty reaching me.  Only Thelma, who has moved into the house, manages to communicate with me.

- But what are you doing kneeling on the ground?  Come on, get up!

She helps me sit on the edge of the bed and picks up all the mess I just made.  She breathes with exasperation:

- You have to get out, get some fresh air!  You haven't been out of the house since the operation.  You have to see people.  Tonight, it's barbecue at my parents' house.  All my family will be there, this is the opportunity to introduce you!  I want them to meet my other half and that will change you rather than keep moping you.

-  If you want !

I don't have the desire or the motivation but I do violence to myself to please Thelma.  She tries so hard to support me.
Jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers will do the trick!  It's only a barbecue after all!

Maybe I should have refused, there are a crazy world in this yard.  It's not a good idea !

- Are you sure ?
- They will love you!
- What did you tell them?
- That you are my girlfriend, of course!  They have known for a long time that I am a lesbian.

For me, this is the first time that I appear in public with Thelma.  It's a little stressful to imagine their reactions.  I watch them through the badly trimmed bush.  They are noisy and agitated, it moves in all directions.  We can say that it is a family that has to live and have fun.

- So you're coming ?

The old gate creaks when Thelma pushes it open.  Everyone turns to automatic mode.  Thelma makes the introductions!  I won't be able to remember right away, everyone's first names, there are too many of them.  No one is surprised to see me, they accept me in their tribe.
Her sister Aya hands me a cold beer which I accept gladly.  It's hot and I need a drink.  I pass the cold bottle over my forehead to cool off.  She suggests that I visit the place.  I walk around with her closely followed by children who keep giggling.  Aya explains to me that they are little cousins.

- Don't mind them!  They are little imps!

I find them too cute with their dirty little faces.
It is hardly cooler inside.  Aya apologizes for not having air conditioning.  I tell him that doesn't pose a problem for me.  We arrive in Thelma's room, it's a big mess!  How long has it been since she put her things away?  I poke around to get to know her better, just a matter of curiosity.  She appears at the window all smiles and beckons me to join her outside.
I sit at the table between Thelma and Aya.  In front of me, their brother Boris.  I've finished my beer, he's giving me a new one.
This is the first time in three weeks that I have thought of something else.  I can almost relax.  I really like Thelma's family, they are all very friendly and approachable.  They do not take the lead and like to take advantage of the present time.
Thelma takes me by surprise by kissing me full on the mouth.  Apparently, it doesn't bother anyone, no reaction!  Groups form, the youngest sneak into the back of the garden.  I follow them with Thelma.  One of his cousins ​​offers me a drink.

- Sparkling water?
- Let's say it looks like sparkling water instead!

I take a sip, it sucks!
While the others are having fun, my mind goes back to Angel.  Without realizing it, I have already finished my drink.  I tighten another, my head starts to spin.  Despite everything, I continue to drink.  When someone speaks to me, I just nod my head to answer them.  Either way, I can't even hear what they're telling me.  My glass is still empty, I take the one already ready on the wall.  Thelma notices that I have a good descent.  She's worried :

- Kristy, you should calm down on the drink!  You've had enough for today!
- I'm just finishing that one, ok!

I raise my arm awkwardly to show him my drink.  It's nice to drown your sorrows in alcohol.  We can no longer think or think about anything.  Everything becomes easy!  I start to stagger, my balance is failing me.  I watch the children running and then diving into the inflatable pool, I see double!  I advance towards them, staggering.  I think I hear my first name but I don't react.  I continue my trajectory, on the way I put my empty glass on the table and grab a beer in flight.  I am about to drink, neck in mouth when I twist my ankle in a hole.  I slip and almost fall into the pool when two nimble hands grab my arm.

- It's okay ?  Everything is fine ?
- Yeah, it's rolling!

I'm leaving as if nothing had happened!  I drink while walking and go through the gate.  On the sidewalk, the sound of cars echoed in my ears.  A hurried passerby bangs his shoulder on my back and pushes me onto the road.  Bottle of beer in hand, I find myself in the middle of the road.  A car arrives in front, the driver looks for a pack of cigarettes in her glove box.  I see her coming towards me but my reflexes are weakened.  The car is now only fifty meters from me.

- To my God, KRISTY ?