KRISTY The shit also happens to the stars

The paparazzi

It's been two weeks since I found the house of my dreams.  I'm leaving the real estate agency.  Here we are !  It's official, today I'm moving into my cozy little cocoon.  I only have a few shopping left to do and voila!  I can't wait to take advantage of it.  I told everyone that the housewarming party was tonight.

All in all, I made up my mind to call Thelma.  Right now, I'm doing everything wrong, so much to continue!  I invited him over to the house, which means Thelma and Elliot will both be there.  Big blunder!
Too late, I can't go back.  I chase the foreseeable consequences of my decision from my head.  I don't have time to daydream today.  Everything must be ready on time.  Fortunately, Frédérique and Joana must come and help me later.

I'm looking for the car keys in my wallet.  When I look up, I see a paparazzi right in front.  A succession of flashes dazzles me!  It puts my spirits in the socks, a point for him!  I breathe and get back into the car as quickly as possible.  I start thinking that it will stop there.  Error, he follows me to the mall!  It's hard not to spot him in his red 4 * 4!  It is not discreet, even oppressive!  The front of its bumper is only eight inches from my trunk.  He sticks to me the whole way.

Arrived at the parking lot, he parks only three parking lots from my vehicle.  I understood very quickly that he is trying to intimidate me.  Since our eyes met thirty minutes earlier, he challenges me with his gaze, a dark and aggressive gaze.  I am uncomfortable.  I try to pretend nothing has happened!  He will eventually get bored and walk away once he gets the picture he is looking for.

I jog down the hall, looking at the ground.  Just before going through the sliding glass door, I turn around for two seconds.  And there, horror!  There is a second leaning on a lamppost.  It's getting worse !  I continue to walk into the shopping arcade.  I spot one of the shops in which I had planned to shop around.  I go inside it, still the paparazzi on the trail.  Above all, stay natural, do not show him that he unsettles me!  I stroll around the shop.  As soon as I take an object, he shoots me with a flash with his camera stuck to the window.  At the checkout, the flashes sound again.  The saleswoman looks at me with compassion.  I walk out of the store passing just a few millimeters from him.  We almost touch each other.  Say nothing !  If I tell him anything, I know it will be bad for me.  I continue in the aisles.  I turn around, he's still there!  He's a tough one!  I turn and enter a new store.  He starts again his number!  He watches me and waits for me at the entrance of the shop, the camera ready to draw.  I hide by pressing myself against the wall.  I need to breathe.  I have the feeling of suffocation!  I'm not claustrophobic, yet I have the symptoms!  I feel my hands are shaking a little.  I'm getting hotter and hotter!  I shift slightly to the right, making sure to stay flat against the wall, to find myself under the opening of the air conditioning.  The cold air that emanates from it helps me to come to my senses.  I put my head forward to see if the paparazzi is still there.  He looks for me through the windows.  When I feel ready, I resume my shopping, pretending not to care about him.
The merry-go-round resumes!  I do my shopping as well as in several other shops, pursued by this stalker.  I would like to know how many photos can contain his memory card!  I'm loaded with packages but he doesn't seem to care.  All these bags encumber me and prevent me from moving forward, as fast as I would like!  I progress slowly towards the exit.  I remember a second paparazzi waiting for me in the parking lot.

I see him through the glass door.  He approached my car.  He must have recognized her!  I talk to myself to give myself courage.

- Keep calm, Kristy!  Stay calm !

I am now being chased by two paparazzi.  The flashes dazzle me!  I still have to slow down to see where I'm going.  I try to act normally and avoid an awkwardness that could cost me dearly.  When I bend over to put my bags in the trunk, one of the paparazzi takes a picture of my bottom.  And shit!  What a pervert, he is!  I shouldn't have put on denim shorts.  My butt will be on the front pages of every magazine.  A woman must be careful what she is wearing because if she is attacked, it will be said that she has looked for it.  And now, you also have to be careful what you wear, in case you come across a paparazzi to preserve your privacy.  I want to cry.  I am living a real nightmare!  I have the feeling of having been raped!  I am dispossessed of my body.  It has become a public object.  I'm starting to feel nauseous.

I switch on the ignition, when suddenly I have a hunch!  I look through the windshield to find a third paparazzi in his vehicle.  This day is endless, it will never stop!  How am I going to prevent them from following me home and finding out where I live?

I undertake to ride anywhere, hoping to tire them!  Fortunately, I had thought of refueling yesterday.  But after two unsuccessful hours, it's me who panics!  I have no way out to get rid of it.  When a brilliant idea comes to mind!  I just have to do like them!  I find where to park and then I look for my cell phone.  I activate camera mode and lock the zoom.  I get out of the car and start filming them, behind the wheel of their cars, making sure to frame their faces.  These fools seek to hide with the hoods of their sweatshirts or their arms.  It is to die for laughing!  More stupid than them, you die!  They can chase you like an animal for hours, bombarding you with photos and videos, regardless of the harm they can do you!  But when you inflict the same punishment on them, they curl up in their shells!

I won !  At least for today!  I rejoice inside!  I get back into my car, proud of my daring.  Finally, I can go home.  It is not today that they will discover where I plan to hide, away from his obsessed with clichés.