It's complicated

42:

Yes I was thrilled to go but what about Xavier. We just sorta fixed things and now I'm moving. Not that I'd consider staying behind because of him.

Even if I were to consider that I wouldn't do it anyway because what if we don't work out then I'd be stranded with no where to go.

"Could you guys please excuse me?"

"Sure honey. You have to be somewhere right?"

"Yeah I have to tell Donovan about the big news."

So I left. The drive to Xaviers house was everything but pleasant. How am I supposed to tell him without him overreacting.

We all know that when Xavier gets angry or upset he starts breaking things. I stopped in his driveway and wipped the sides of my eyes. This is gonna be so hard.

I walked up to the door and knocked. My heart was beating rapidly. He opened the door with a questionable look on his face.

"Claire. How'd it go? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah no everything's great."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Can I come inside so that we can talk please."

"Okay."

We went up to his room.

"Isn't your dad home?"

"No he's got some work function."

"Well I'll get right to it then. My mom called me over to tell me that Caleb got a job in California."

"Okay, that's great but why phone you to tell you?"

"They want me to move with them to California..."

"When?"

"This weekend."

"This...weekend."

I could hear the pain in voice. And I could see the tears he tried holding back.

"Can...can't you stay. There must be a way they'll let you stay. Anyway, please Claire you have to try."

"There isn't."

"But you had a choice right?"

"Yes Xavier I did."

"Why didn't you choice to stay? We could of lived together in your apartment or gotten a bigger one."

"Xavier we're a mixture of pain and pleasure. As much as we needed and crave one another we burn one another. Our pattern doesn't work, we constantly move two steps forward and four steps back. We can't help but hurt one another if we don't get our way. And what if we don't end up working out, I'll have to move anyway."

"(Starts crying) Claire please. I'm begging you. I'll change I'll do anything. Please just stay. I just got you back, I can't lose you right now. I love you Claire. Fuck this can't be happening!"

"Xavier please, babe calm down."

"No Claire. You're fucking moving away. You're leaving me."

I walked over to him and I kissed him.

"It's okay. I'm afraid to you know. I have to make new friends, attend a new school etc."

He pushed me away and grabbed the lamp off the nightstand. He threw it against the wall shattering it into millions of pieces.

"Xavier..."

"You should leave!"

"Fine. Xavier I do love you, that's why I had to do this. Loving you is to destructive to me. It hurts me to love you."

"Then leave. Because you clearly made your choice. You don't wanna stay here and I'm not begging you anymore."

I turned around and left. I got into my car and went to the apartment. I was supposed to stay with him but I guess I fucked everything up.

Donovan's car was parked in my driveway. Great to top all of this he had to be here. This is the exact reason why I should leave.

Shit just got to much and I can't handle it anymore. I'm done with this town. In a question of six months I've had more shit in my life then I can handle.

"Good you're home. Can we talk?"

"You gotta go back to the frat house. I'm moving away with my parents."

"And you decide to tell me this now? We're still together. "

"Yes what does it matter you got a place to stay. And we aren't together anymore."

"No I don't. I let them know about a week ago that I found of campus accommodation."

"Fine stay here but your gonna pay the rent. And I'm taking my furniture so you can get your own."

"What has gotten into you. Don't I mean anything to you?"

I took of my top and showed him the bruises.

"What's gotten into me I wonder. You hurt me and when I told you to stop you didn't, I didn't mean nothing to you when you threw me around like a rag doll. So no you don't mean anything to me."

"That wasn't me. I'd never hurt you."

"Clearly the alcohol wipped your memory clean."

"No that couldn't of been me. That's impossible. And what do you mean we aren't together anymore."

"You kissed another girl at the party and I left. When I got back home from my walk you grabbed me by my arms and yelled at me. You called me a slut and you threw me on my bed when I slapped you in your face for calling me that. Oh and my wrists look like this because you penned me to the bed."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't...mean to."

"Well could of fooled me."

My phone rang and Xaviers dads name popped up.

"Derek, hi is everything okay?"

"Come and calm Xavier down please. He's out of control. Whatever you spoke about earlier upset him a lot."

"I'm on my way."

"Who was that?"

"No one. It's none of your business."

I pushed past him and he grabbed my wrist. And I yelled at him.

"Don't you dare touch my! You lost that right the night you hurt me!"

He let go and I went to Xavier. When I got there I could here his dad telling him to calm down. I rushed inside and went straight to his room.

He was hitting the wall and his eyes were bloodshot from all his crying. I walked over to him and grabbed hold of his fist before he could hit the wall again.

"Xavier babe, stop please. It's okay I'm here now."

He looked at me and fell to the ground. I didn't wanna move because I want to be with him. But I had no choice.