Through The Storm

25

It was only now that I realized how fucked I really was. I mean I'm at a club right now, getting a lap dance from a hot girl, and all I can think about is little miss perfect. Fucking damnit. I felt pity for her, stuck alone in an office room all day. But she did it to herself. Fuck I couldn't be here.

I told the girl to fuck off, and drove back to the office building. Approaching the door I heard loud sobs, shit. I don't deal with that kinda stuff. I'm not sensitive and I don't really care what the hell someone is feeling. But hearing her cries, because of me? That caused a pain in my chest I hadn't felt in a very long time. Was I actually feeling bad for what I had done?
"Estella?" I knocked cautiously.

"Yeah in here." She mumbled out, as if she could be anywhere else.

"Are you alright princess?"

"No." Simple answer, things were almost never simple with the girl. I barged in finding her huddled on the floor, knees to her chest and crying her eyes out. Shit, fuck me man.

"What's wrong?" That was a fucked thing to ask.

"I don't know how I got here. I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know what you want from me. I don't know anything and I'm exhausted. My minds been racing since I met you, I can't sleep right, I'm sitting in a room spending hours alone. My family is in danger, you hate me, and now? I hate myself too. More than I did before." She hates herself? Because of me?

"Why do you hate yourself?" I knew skipping over the other things would cause the scoff that left her lips, but the only part of it I could respond to was that.

"I let myself believe that a guy like you was interested in a girl like me. But in fact it was just a matter of being it the wrong place at the wrong time." She sniffled and looked down at her feet, hiding her gaze from me.

"What do you mean a guy like me and a girl like you?" I was getting frustrated, did she think she was above me?

"Cade. You're a bachelor, a player, you would never go after someone like me. Besides when you did; it was all a game. And now you're stuck with someone you can't stand because I happened to see something I shouldn't." Was she actually fucking blaming herself for this mess?

"You aren't at fault here Estella. It's a matter of circumstance and keeping you safe." I kept calm, hoping to comfort her with the small knowledge I had on the subject.

"That night. The one where you took me to the cliff. You said you did something. What did you do Cade?" Hope flashed in her eyes, was she expecting it to be a good thing and not merely the fact that I had planned out how to break her apart piece by piece?

"I- it wasn't anything you would understand E." I felt a pain in my chest again, pinging deep in me; a feeling of guilt and pity. Remorse.

"Oh." She sounded defeated. And I was the one who did it. I stepped close to her, bending onto my knees in front of her. I pulled her jaw gently up to mine and placed a soft kiss on her lips. The softest I've ever placed on another woman.

I was a man of roughness, assertiveness, I needed submission. I didn't care for that sentimental shit. In fact the thought of it would normally make me nearly throw up from disgust. But with her it was necessary. It was like everything in my body had been pulled to her by a magnetic force, calling to me in ways I didn't know were possible.

As if she needed me just as much as I needed her. The kiss sped up, my tongue gravitating towards her cautiously; savoring every moment of this intimate kiss. Intimate. Fuck no. I don't do intimate. I pulled away harshly. Hurt washed over her face as expected, she was so damn sensitive holy fuck.

"I'm sorry did I- did I do something?" She stumbled over the words coming from her mouth. Only she had not done something, I had. I had gone beyond boundaries that I've fought my whole life to stay inside. I didn't do slow with women, I did meaningless. I didn't have passion, I had anger.

"Fuck. No, shit I'm sorry. This is just a fucked situation. How the hell are you doing this to me? What the fuck do you know about me?" I realized the growing volume of my voice as she backed away from me, fear clouding her irises.

"I don't know Cade. I'm sorry. I swear I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you, please don't hurt anyone. It's my fault; you can hurt me." What the fuck? She thought I'd hurt her? After all this shit of me not being able to fucking touch a hair on her perfect head- and she still thinks I'm gonna fucking snap and kill her.

She would never see me for more than a monster who threatened her family and was now holding her captive. But I didn't give a shit, all that remorse and all that guilt disappeared. She saw a monster? I'll give her one hell of a fucking monster to deal with.

~~

[ okay this update took me soooo long!! I could not figure out the words I needed to use to explain what was happening. And I also figured a Cade perspective was in order :)

Thank you guys so much again for all the reads and love! I truly am blessed. I am going into full writing mode right now and working on a new chapter! Thanks guys! <3 ]