Easy Habit {h.s.}

There's A Piece of You

-C30-
I wondered how things could be when I forgive everything
Losing what I know
Or how the slightest encounters, split second decisions determine where we go
———

Harry Styles

Fuck I admitted it.

I still couldn't say the words but I really did love her. Her smile, her glimmering hazel eyes, her long wavy hair that she hated so much, her vulnerability, the compassion she had for others, and everything else about her that I could write down as a novel.

I wouldn't dare tell her... yeah that made me a pussy but did i care no. I was too sure that she'd hurt me if she knew how I felt, they always did. No matter how perfect she was I couldn't let myself say it.

After seeing how sad she was it made me not want to leave her side. I've never seen that half of her she tried so hard to keep hidden but god was it horrible. I didn't want her harming herself like that. I never wanted to see that again.

I'm glad she wasn't mad with me anymore, she more so needed me to get through this. I liked that I was a piece of her now.

She was definitely a piece of me.

Currently we were in the living room waiting for Kevin to arrive. The sun shot through the curtains of the white washed windows, lighting up the couches.

The same guitar I watched Maylen play for less than thirty seconds sat against its stand tucked behind the tv, the painted stars and purple sky was a contrast to the wooden tv that covered half of it, I had to say Nialls parents had taste.

I wish she'd play it for me again...

It was around noon now and we'd been sitting in the living room staring at each other for the ten minutes, we were anxiously silent today. There was some unwanted tension in the room still, we didn't know what to expect when it came to Kevin. Maylen demanded that we test this idea of getting him on board to end Louis once and for all but we all had little faith in the plan.

Only reason I'm trying this hard to make this work is because I trust May.

We promised to never trust each other and to only trust each other's decisions. It was an odd thing to say or do but we obviously saw that we both had secrets that we couldn't share although we wanted too.

The best thing to do was to trust the settlements we made for the group and ourselves, at the end of the day we knew that we could only be so vulnerable, and that we had to protect each other for as long as we could.

Sometimes Maylen and I reminded me of my Anne and Desmond, aka my mum and dad. He had various secrets that he kept from Noelle, my mother and I. Mostly from my mother though, even through all of the secrets the trust they had for each other's decisions in life was unmatched.

Noelle and I would sometimes sneak out after Desmond left to see exactly where'd he be running off to for so long. Of course when my mum would call and ask when he'd been returning the answer was always, 'As long as I need too, the more money the better, this family needs it desperately.'

Sick shit didn't care about our family he just wanted more money so that he'd be able to leave us as soon as possible. Eventually he did but after mum had her first seizure he came and never left again, he finally found the courage to tell her where he'd been going for hours for the past four to five years. That was the moment I decided to invest in Modest and soon enough I became a member.

It was only to make her proud...

Her reaction to father being apart of Modest was more so a relief than a worry. I still don't understand why finding out I joined Modest was a huge shocker and disappointment.