Fate and Destiny (The Fated Series, #2)

Chapter 56 - Branka - Lost Time

I haven't been anywhere asides from the two rooms and the hallway, and honestly, I'm a little afraid to. I guess the part of me that is Hira isn't going to go away. The Branka I was would've convinced one of the Bhaltayr - Inna told me that that's what they prefer to be called, and I smile at the thought every time I hear, say, or think the name - to show me around and share their secrets with me. I keep trying to tell myself that I haven't done so because my Queen is sleeping and needs to be looked after, but I can't ignore the shakiness that has taken root inside me.

Clarice woke hours ago for no longer than a few minutes before settling back into her rehabilitating sleep. The amount of power she drained out of Víđarr and the others was a lot, but draining power can be addictive once you start. It's entirely like a drug in the sense that you crave it after one dose, but stopping does get hard when you're in the action of doing it. She kept draining and draining, not realizing just how much she was pulling back into herself. Had my mother and Rohana not gotten her to the coastline, there'd be no Fernweh to win back, and Gods know that I know how hard accepting the fact can be.

After my sister died, I had my time for grief. It never really went away, but like all things, I became accustomed to its presence and learned to function with its pain still whispering in my ears. I got through its deepest pains, and then I set about saving anyone and everyone to try and find a balancing weight to counter that which her death caused me. I tried to save her already lost life by saving those of others. I should've realized sooner than later that there would be no balancing out its weight, as the heaviness of it was something that could only be lifted by my own death, and that was never a real option, even if I did fake it.

Finding out that my sister had died for nothing was more heartwrenching and angering than anything. It's my fault that he killed her.

People can say what they want, try to convince me otherwise, but if I had seen and accepted that my father's darkness was more overpowering than his love, I could've kept her out of his reach and none of this would be happening. Dawn and Kerrigan would still be alive, my mother wouldn't look at me without a shadow passing over her face every time, and Clarice would still be alive with her head untouched, her path crossing Darius's in an entirely different way that didn't lead to either of them slowly becoming empty vessels.

I've lived a century and nearly four decades, and I don't think I could've done what she did. Again, that could be Hiraeth talking, but either way, I'm amazed at her strength and will. She broke a bond that everyone thought was unbreakable, all because she didn't want Darius to know the pain she felt. The pain my father imposed on her.

I would never want anyone to feel the pain I felt, but to break a bond so powerful and strong and brightening...I suppose I have done that, haven't I? I may not be fated to Rohana, nor love her as a fated would, but I do love her, and I broke us.

I knew before she did that our love wasn't one of romance, that we both had preferences for the opposite sex though we weren't against finding pleasures elsewhere. I knew that what I felt for her and the strength in it was that of a familial bond, that it was a protectiveness like that of an older sibling who would do anything for the younger. Sure, that's how the bonds between me and the rest of the Ginerva are, but ours was stronger - deeper. It ran through our veins like adrenaline, making us stronger and prepared for whatever was to come, small or big. She gave me life when my life was the one thing I wanted to smother, and I repaid her by leaving her alone for forty-two years.

What a friend I am.

The bed sturs, pulling me from my depressing life story thoughts. I look to find Clarice's eyes open and clear, her breathing calm and even. She won't be falling back asleep again, but given the way her eyes are slowly drifting towards me, she won't be having such tranquility when she sees a foreign face paired with one of the only voices she remembers. One of the characteristics a soul stone can't fully change. It can deepen or raise that which already sits on your chords, but it cannot fully change it. Honestly, it's a wonder how Hira's voice didn't bother my sisters more.