Letters to Chanyeol

Letter 44

Dear Chanyeol,

When I was young, all of my friends dreamed of having their own wedding. They pictured themselves finding the right partner and having the perfect wedding. As I grew up, I started attending some too. My aunts and other relatives tied the knot with the person they love. I had a different perspective.

I grew up seeing my parents fight. Seeing them throw tantrums and shout at each other. It was painful to watch and in a way, made me traumatized. It made me feel that marriage isn't that great and there is no such thing as a perfect partner.

I watched my dad leave us and marry another woman. I learned that he prefer to be with her than attend my birthday party. He chose her when we had a good life. I tried my best to have a relationship that was far from what they had.

But all those people I dated were just jerks and when I was settled with the idea that maybe relationships and marriage was not for me, I met you. I know I told you this a lot of times, but you changed me.

You made me believe in things that I never thought I'd believe in. You made me feel things that no person made me feel before. You made me strong and you made me mature. What we had was nothing like those people.

That was why, even if I know that you would leave me after a couple of days or weeks, I didn't mind marrying you. I don't care if I have to be alone for the rest of my life. I was planning to be alone anyways. You just came along and changed me. So why should I do this?

Why should I be bothered if we have a limited time? Why should I change my mind? It was you all along. I won't get married to anybody because you're the only one I want, Chanyeol. No sickness or challenge in our lives would change that.

I won't wait for 2 more days. I want to get married to you as soon as possible. I don't care what they say. This time, I won't listen to other people. I choose me. I choose you. I choose us. No one's going to stop us, not even your ailment.