Puns.1

✐Day #62: G r a m m a r puns

✐Day #62: G r a m m a r puns

✎The exclamation mark said to the period "Why aren't you bleeding?"

✎It's good to be awesome, so why is it bad to be aw"ful"?

✎If Horrible and Horrific are the same things, then why are terrible and terrific opposites? 

✎ What do you say when you are comforting a grammar nazi?

        ✍ There, Their, They're

✎ What's another name for Santa's elves?

        ✍ Subordinate Clauses.

✎ How does an English teacher punish a valley girl?

        ✍ Assign a 10-15 page research paper on the bastardization of the word "like"

✎ What is Grammar?

        ✍ The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.

✎ How do you spell mousetrap?

        ✍ C-A-T.

✎ What is Black and white and read (red) all over?

         ✍ A newspaper

✎ "What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?"

        ✍ "The C"

✎ "What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?"

         ✍ "The Q. (queue)

✎ What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?

        ✍ A teapot.

✎ Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?

        ✍ None! None of them have "c", "o","m" or "n" in them.

✎ What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

        ✍ Short

✎ What's the longest word in the dictionary?

         ✍ Rubber-band -- because it streches.

✎ When does a dialect become a language?

        ✍ When its speakers get an army and a navy.

✎ One night a man and a woman walked into the bar they left. Who remains?        

        ✍ The night

✎ How do you get ten English teachers to agree on the best teaching method?

        ✍ Shoot nine of them.

✎ What English Word Begin and End with the same 3 letters?

        ✍ Underground.

✎ Remove my 1st letter I still sound the same , Remove my 2nd letter I still sound the same. Remove my middle letter I still sound the same what am I?

         ✍ Empty

✎ What's a teacher's favorite nation?

        ✍ Expla-nation.

✎ Name a bus you can never enter?

        ✍ A syllabus

✎ Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including "y" ?

        ✍ Unquestionablely!

✎ What is the longest word in the English language?

        ✍ Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.) 

✎ Teacher: What is irony?

        ✍ Student: "Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe."

✎ Don't you know the Queen's English?

        ✍  Why, yes, I'd heard she was. 

[I start school tomorrow D:]