Mindless Dreams and Nightmares

Chapter 10: No Turning Back, Just Moving Forwards

Dedicated to Maya! She commented on every chapter so far :') thanks, glad you like my story, and gimme some Hersheys O.O lol

-Jameelah's POV-

I sat on the bottom of the stairs looking at the door, I wasnt sure what to think right now. My hands were shaking uncontrollably and my breathing was so erratic and loud in the silent hallway. I guess I was in shock, after 10 years of misery and pain I was free to leave, but I want nothing more than to run back upstairs and just throw myself on my bed.

The front door opened and Prodigy and Kenneth walked in. I stood up ''Jameelah are you ok??'' Kenneth asked me, sounding concerned.

I nodded ''I'm fine'' I saw Prod give me a look but I ignored it ''I'm fine'' I repeated looking away from both of them. I looked down the hallway once more, mentally saying goodbye to everything, the mirror, the staircase, the little table and the polished wood floor. Everything. As I looked around I realised, I was never coming back here, this really was the end of this part of my life. From here on out things where going to get, better, I guess. Its just didnt seem right though.It just seemed too easy. Way too easy.

I put my hand on the big suitcase I had beside me and felt my eyes fill with tears. Why the hell was I about to cry? I had experienced nothing but misery under this roof and now I dont want to leave?

I sighed and squeezed my eyelids tight shut, trying to hold back the tears before pulling up the handle of the suitcase and turning back to face Kenneth. ''What happens after I leave here?'' I asked, fighting to keep my tone even.

Kenneth put a hand to the back of his head knocking his cap sideways ''Uh, to tell you the truth Jameelah, nobody really thought that far, when we heard what was happening the first thing we thought of was getting you out of here.''

''What about your cousin?'' Came Prods voice ''You mentioned your cousin before, said he lives in DC right?"

I nodded. Kenneth clapped his hands together and smiled "Perfect! We're headed to Virginia after we leave London but I'm sure we can make a detour, land in DC and drive over, that'd mean some serious juggling but-"

I blinked at him "Why?"

"Why what?" Kenneth asked

"Why do all of this for me? You dont know me, I dont know you! I'm just some girl that got 'lucky' one day and met him." I pointed at Prodigy "Its not like you owe me anything, you could walk away right now if you wanted, nothings stopping you. I'm not worth all this trouble, I'm really not."

It felt like the air in the hallway stiffened after I said that. Kenneth took his hat off and rubbed a palm over his head and Prod just blinked at me. I sighed and turned around, walked back to the stairs and sat down on the step that was third from the bottom. I put my face in my hands for a second, then ran my right hand through my hair before saying ''Dont get me wrong, its not that im ungrateful or anything its just-''

'Jameelah, we get it'' Prod said cutting me off and walking a bit closer to me. I looked away, not quite able to face him. ''your worried,scared and you must be finding it hard to accept help after years of trying to cope on your own, but dont question the help, accept it. Jameelah, you know you our need help, you wanna leave here so bad, I know that and so do you'' I began playing with a loose piece of thread on the cuff of my jacket. ''Theres a million reasons why you should leave, but theres only one reason why you should stay here''

My head jerked upwards. I looked at him, he was staring right at me, his gaze full of meaning. I blinked and looked away again, breathing heavily I said ''What reason have I got to stay?? Since your so-'' but he cut me off again.

''Guilt'' He said simply.

It was true, I'd been trying to figure out why I didnt want to leave, why I was questioning the help I was getting rather than accepting it and I didnt realise until he said it, I was feeling guilty. Guilty because no matter how much she hurt me I knew my mother was hurting way more on the inside. Guilty because I was about to walk out on her, just like my dad did all those years ago. Guilty because it seemed like I was about to go off and live happily ever after and leave my mother behind. I nodded. Not wanting to agree with him out loud or tell him he was right, I stood up.

''Its now or never isnt it?'' I asked looking at Kenneth. He nodded back at me giving me a look I didnt quite understand. I sighed again and stood up, fixing my jacket as I went, walked back along the corridor, Im sure Prodigy looked at me as I went past him but I was trying not to pay him too much attention. I grabbed the handle of my suitcase again, squeezing it as tightly. ''Lets go then'' I said, in the brightest voice I could muster. Kenneth opened the door and walked out first, I waited for Prodigy to walk past me, this time I know he looked at me, but I avoided his gaze again. I stepped out the door after him, dragging my case behind me, turned around closed the door, locked it and posted my keys through the letterbox. It looks like theres no turning back now, just moving forwards.

A little while later we were pulling up round the back of a fancy hotel in central London. I looked out the window thinking hard, the journey here had been awkward and silent. No one spoke, Kenneth coughed a couple times but that was it. Nothing changed once the car stopped, as soon as the engines purring stopped Prod opened the door on his side and got out. He shut the door behind him and went straight to the back door of the hotel and disappeared through it without a backwards glance. I slumped against the back of my seat and tried to hold back the tears.

''He's not angry with you'' Said Kenneth gently. I looked at him peering at me through gap between the front seats. ''He's really not, there is no point getting upset because he's not angry, he may be disappointed and a little hurt, but not angry''

''Thats even worse'' I replied, my voice barely a whisper ''I've hurt him and he's done nothing but try to make me smile''

''Dont think about it like that!'' he said quickly ''I'm really no good at this stuff, pretty useless at actually, thats probably why no one really comes to me for advice, I usually just make it worse...'' his voice tailed off and he got out of the car and headed to the back.

I got out too and went round the back of the car, Kenneth was lifting my case out of the back. ''You cant be that bad at helping out and giving advice'' I said to him ''I mean, Prod called you first didnt he?''

Kenneth smiled at me ''No. I was just the lucky one Ray Ray handed the phone to when Prod called'' We both laughed a bit at that and Kenneth locked the car ''C'mon" He said walking towards the door holding my case as if it didnt weigh a thing "we gotta go inside now, I believe you have a few phone calls to make and a lot of talking to do right?''

I nodded and followed him towards the back door wondering how hard it was gonna be to move forward from here.

So guys, I havent updated this story in a while and I dont think anyone was waiting on this chapter but what did you think?? How did I do .__.? 

I'll try and make things more 'exciting' next chapter .......