Mindless Dreams and Nightmares

Chapter 5: Why Couldnt It Be a Nightmare

Dedicated to Gabby because 1. She loves KFC  2. She gave me a reason to continue writing and something to aim for. Thanks babe <3

Its Monday morning and things still seem to be going ok. Devante is coming back next month, his plane lands at 2:40pm on the 24th of September and considering its 11:18am now that makes it 39 days 3hours and 22 minutes till I see him again. I’m gonna spend the day with Rinaa; she feels the need to take me shopping for tonight. I keep telling her it’s not a date but of course she’s hyped over the fact that it’s ‘Prodigy from Mindless Behavior’ and feels that I need to impress him.

I was in my bedroom fixing my hair into a ponytail, quite a difficult task seeing as it was so think and curly, when the doorbell rang. I just continued with what I was doing because nobody ever came to the door for me, it was probably just one of my mother’s friends. I heard her open the door.

“Who are you?” I heard my mother’s voice say

“Um, my names Rinaa” I heard Rinaa’s voice and I scrambled up and dashed to the top of the stairs. “I’m Jameelah’s friend she probably mentioned me?”

Oh no. This is not going to end well, I only tell my mum where I’m going if she asks me because half the time she doesn’t care where I’m going or when I’ll be back just as long as I keep out of her way and she doesn’t see me. I stayed at the top of the stairs holding my breath.

“Yes Rinaa,” My mum said in honeyed tones. She had her back to me facing the door but I could just imagine a sickly sweet smile on her face. “You and Jameelah went to the national gallery on Saturday right?”

Rinaa smiled big. She had absolutely no idea what she was doing. I stared at her willing her not to say anything. Begging her not to say anything else but she didn’t see or hear my silent pleas. “Yes we did. Mrs Carltoni.”

Shit. She’s gone and done it now. She gave her a married woman’s title. Carltoni was her maiden name which she changed back to after my dad left. My dad left when I was 5 and I wasn’t too sure why back then but now I know its because he had about 5 affairs while he was married to my mum and she found out about it because a pregnant woman showed up at our door and ruined my 4th birthday party with the news. My parents divorced and separated a year later and he left the day after my 5th birthday and I never saw my dad again. All I have is a framed picture of me and him, taken 11 years ago. My mum tries to act like he never existed. She wiped every trace of him away, she even changed my last name from Edwards (his name) to Carltoni. The next time she spoke her tone had changed “Why are you here?” She sounded frostily polite now.

Rinaa obviously noticed the tone change because she shuffled her feet a bit and said, “I came to get Jameelah, we were supposed to be going clothes shopping today.”

“Oh really?” Her tone growing colder with every word. “Why?”

Rinaa clasped her hands together and fiddled with her thumbs. “Jameelah is er, going out tomorrow.” She licked her lips nervously. That’s the point when I ran downstairs and said loudly “Rinaaaaa! What are you doing here? I told you to meet me at the bus stop!” I stepped round my mum to give her a quick hug.

“Ahh, Jameelah! Since your going shopping let me give you some money” She leaned over and pulled her bag out of the cabinet in the hallway and handed me £50 out of it. “Spend it wisely” The sickly smile and honey tones were back. I didn’t quite know what was going on. I felt almost sure it was a trick or a show put on for Rinaa. Appearance is a big deal with my mother. I nodded at her and turned to leave. “Were is my hug??” She cooed. I looked at her, She never ever suggests physical contact, I am usually the one wanting a hug or some kind of affection and she is always the one pushing me away, telling me emotion is weakness and love is for idiots. She opened her arms and I had no choice but to step into them. She held me, the hug wasn’t warm or comfortable as a mothers embrace should be; it was a cold vice like grip. “Bitch, spend a penny of my money and you’ll be sorry” She hissed into my ear. I flinched. As I pulled away from her I saw a flash of sadness go across her face, it was only a flash but I was sure it was there. I took two steps back turned and saw Rinaa smiling at us from the gate. She had no idea what just happened.