Woven Desires [Completed]

The Real Truth

I'm terrified, but I know I have to do this. I'm afraid her eyes won't sparkle anymore when they lay on me, but I know that I have to tell her everything. After all, Shannon is my girlfriend now, I have to be transparent with her.  

She sits next to me on the sofa and I stretch out my hand to hold hers. It takes me a couple of minutes before I allow words to flow out of my mouth. 

"When I was twelve," I begin, "my favorite person in the world was my little sister. I loved her more than anything or anyone. She was my best friend."

"Really?" Shannon says. "I didn't know you had a sister."

"She's dead." 

The silence that ensues my statement does not surprise me. I keep my eyes on our joint hands as I imagine the expression on Shannon's face. 

"How old was she?" 

"Ten," I reply. 

"What was her name?"

"Molly."

"Molly...," Shannon repeats in a low voice as she intertwines her fingers with mine. "What happened?"

"One day," I answer, forcing myself to go through the painful memories again, "she insisted on following our dad to work, and he agreed. She begged me to come with her, but it was a Saturday morning and I was feeling lazy so I refused. Instead, I told her to go with Alexander, our brother, who had been awake for a while. He didn't want to, but I scolded him, so he went with them grudgingly. After a while, I felt bad for turning Molly down, so I decided to join them at dad's office. I was only half way there when I saw Alexander glued to his game boy and dad talking to one of his peers..."

It gets difficult for me to continue. But as soon as I stop, I feel Shannon squeeze my hand nudging me to go on. 

"Nei... Neither Dad nor Alexander noticed that Molly had wandered off. We started looking for her as soon as I interrupted them. After a few minutes, I was the one who found her..."

I've decided not to hold back, so I tell Shannon everything. From the circumstances of Molly's death, to the divorce of my parents. I tell her about my shattered family, about how mum and I moved to this town after the divorce, as she could not stand to be anywhere near the man she considered to be entirely responsible for her daughter's death; my father. 

I even find the courage to talk about the one thing I've been afraid to reveal to Shannon.

"After what I had seen, I wasn't able to utter a single word," I continue as she listens to me very carefully without interrupting. "My silence lasted for months. Physically, there was nothing wrong with me, I just stopped talking as if I became mute. I was considered to be mentally ill so, following the advice of the doctor, my parents agreed to send me to... the psychiatric hospital."

Done. There's no turning back now. She knows. 

I didn't want to tell her because I want her to always look at me the way she did six years ago in the gym when she said: "You look really cool".  Which is why I'd rather tell this to any other person, I don't want to reveal this part of my story to Shannon. 

But, even if I'm afraid, I have to tell her. Now, she knows about it. She knows, yet, surprisingly, she doesn't budge, she doesn't move away from me. 

"Go on," she says, without letting go of my hand. "Did your stay there help you?"

"Um... No, it didn't," I answer, feeling more at ease. "It didn't change anything. Mum was worried sick, she tried everything she could, but nothing worked. I was told to keep a diary, in which I wrote down everything that went through my mind. However, all I ever did in it was draw my sister's lifeless body soaked in blood. I also wrote down the urge I had to kill the person who did that to her. My mind was filled with so many dark thoughts. When I slept I always had the same nightmare. Molly calling out my name, accusing me of abandoning her. I always felt like it was my fault. As a big brother, I failed to protect her, so I'm responsible for her death. I have her blood on my hands."